Benn {DoomGender} Ends
patreon
April 2022 Microfic! (The Final Microfic, And The Most Late)
🕑 Added 2022-05-31 18:17:19 +0000 UTCHello folks,
I guess that's it! This last of the Patreon poll microfics. It's public, so if you're saying goodbye now that I'm moving on to a new era of work, you won't lose access. In fact, I'll be going back through in a bit and making all previously patron-exclusive fics public, so if you have a story you want to revisit or wanted to show someone who's not a patron, you'll be free to! Feels weird paywalling that stuff now that the game is changed, you know?
Anyway, thanks to everyone who suggested ideas for these polls, voted, and read the stories that came out in the end. It was a fun 3-and-some years! And I also hope you enjoy what comes next even more!!
~Benn {Doomgender} Ends
Theme: CYBERNETICS
Prompt: Overworked plural system gets more android bodies to front in, with mixed results. But at least they can cuddle now
Suggested by qymm (Thank you so much!)
~2828 words
CW:
- Post-apocalyptic
- Disability/prosthetics
- Existential musing
- Plurality/ A plural headmate gone quiet
- Hot cocoa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The second loudest sound along the white coast comes from the lazy flakes of snow touching down on empty streets.
The loudest sound comes from me, ruining the peace of a world that had long ago celebrated it’s final act.
Call this an epilogue.
Wincing from the strain on my bad hip, I pull myself over the rubble of an old apartment block. I can see the ocean again, reflecting the pale of the sky, blurring the horizon line in a monochromatic abstraction. It’s as breathtaking as ever, even in it’s stillness. I do miss the tides, though. I always slept better when I listen to the waves.
I watch the water for a few moments before I keep walking.
~~~
*Hey, you doing okay Five Seven? You seem a little out of it.*
Five Seven. That’s me. I chose it in warmer days.
*I’m okay Red. Just feeling it a little today.*
*You’re not going to pull a Fever on us are you?*
I take the opportunity to pull out my ponytail and redo it. Some escaped hairs have been tickling my face under the hood. Snowflakes kiss my fingertips as I work.
*I promise I’m fine Red.*
*Good, cuz you’re the only one who can get us where we’re going. Plus your mood is scaring Cosine a little.*
*i’m NOT scared!*
It’s always faintly funny when Red tell me I have a good sense of direction. Fever was the one who never got lost.
I try to smile, and pull my hood back up.
~~~
We keep heading south, following the curves of the coast.
Red and Cosine bicker energetically as I pick through the midtown ruins. Red always teases Cosine for being a kid, and Cosine retorts that fae’s as grown up as the rest of us. Classic kid behavior.
Really they’re both just worried about me, trying to keep me from my thoughts. Worried that I’m taking too much on myself since Fever stopped surfacing. Worried that one day I won’t answer either.
I won’t leave them alone like that.
Things are lonely enough as is.
~~~
*It’s getting colder.*
*We’ve almost made it, right? Lets take shelter for the night. One more day won’t hurt. Oh, do we have any of that cocoa mix left?*
*ohhh… hot cocoa…*
*Yeah, we do. Shame to use the rest, but I bet we could find more before we leave the city. Red, would you take another look at the joint?*
*Of course. It really twinges, huh.*
*i want cocoa…*
*Yeah, but it can wait. We’ve got to get this girl some cocoa, stat.*
~~~~~
The moment when a fire finally catches always catches me by surprise. It’s warm, colorful, lively. Each time my trembling hands gather the tinder and light the match, I expect the flame to come out white and cold, swaying somberly in the wind like the bleached branches of the trees outside.
But somehow, out of everything that still exists, it feels like fire still lives.
~~~
Cocoa quest was a huge success, and Cosine is resting. Red took over fronting, and is currently frowning and working on our left leg. They have it laid out on a table in the old fast food place we’re staying in, and have a diagnostic device running. We lost pretty much the entire leg a long while back, way before the snows, and have had a nerve-wired prosthetic up to the hip ever since.
*How is it, Red?*
*Eh, could be worse. Probably. I’m having a problem with the socket though.*
*What’s the problem?*
*I also want to know that.*
*Come on Red, be straight with me.*
*Physically impossible for me.*
*Har har.*
*Alright. The issue is, I think something’s failing in the actual hip socket, not the leg. You know, the part we can’t take off for me to get a better angle on. In the actuator that controls the joint, I think.*
*So you’re saying you can’t fix it?*
*I’m not sure it’s something we can fix without a second set of hands.*
*Well here’s hoping we find some soon!*
It came out a little more bitter than I intended, so I immediately walk it back.
*Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap*
*It’s okay, I know you aren’t mad at me. Try and keep it cool though, Cosine is especially tuned to your emotions right now.*
*I know. I’m sorry. Just—— what are we gonna do if the leg goes out.*
It takes Red a long time to answer me.
*Hopefully that doesn’t happen.*
*We’re close enough, right?*
*I’ve got a good feeling about this one. We can make it, Five Seven.*
~~~~~~~~
I’d visited this town once, when we were young. A good enough beach makes for a minature tourist town. It looked so different back then.
Brightly colored, eye catching signage.
An endless flow of people.
Noise,
heat,
life.
Maybe it was all pointless, but at it’s best it could be a really fun kind of pointless.
Red’s been quiet for a while, along with Cosine. Giving me some space to work out my feelings. They’re just trying to be considerate. I feel like I’ve been kind of an asshole to them… I can’t keep riding the excuse of one bad day after another. I’ve gotta actually watch my mouth a little, or I’m gonna drag everyone down with me.
I wince as that same joint grinds a little. It’s nothing I can’t handle for now. It’s just frustrating. Pausing in front of a storefront, I stretch a little. It never helps as much as I hope, but it’s better than nothing.
Ahead of us lies our destination. An old Prosthlytize Med distribution center, it’s boxy shape made hazy by the patient, never-ending snow.
~~~~~
We’ve come a long way to get here.
It was a few weeks after Fever went quiet. A low point for all of us. Ages since we’d seen another living body.
Without really talking it out, Red and I wondered why we were still walking.
Why keep going in an empty world? We all had the strong feeling we’d never meet another person again. Nothing to build, no life to live, scrounging for food and parts in an endless blizzard. Forever exhausted, without home to hope for.
We never really came to a good answer.
I think we both came to the same conclusion though, after a while.
As long as we have each other, we’ll keep trying.
And one day it’ll end,
But not today.
~~~~
*This place is in better shape than I expected, honestly.*
Red’s feeling optimistic. A lot of buildings, especially ones with flat roofs, are at risk of collapse from the snow buildup. The distribution center has held up really well though. Just a few broken windows to let in the cold.
*So what’s the plan Five Seven? I’m not sure how we’re gonna replace that actuator even if we find an exact copy…*
*Okay, lets not worry about finding the part. This place is huge, and practically untouched.*
People have been here before us, but not recently. Only a few lone flakes of snow intrude into the guts of the facility. Settling on sleek black boxes wrapped in a thin membrane of plastic.
*Okay, but how do we actually replace it? It’s just not something we can reach.*
My breath comes out a white puff of fog. This is the part I’ve been worried about bringing up.
*There’s full prosthetic bodies out here, right?*
*Whoa, you want to jump ship??*
*Not all of us. Just one. Someone transfers over to a fully separate body, does the repair, and reintegrates. Easy.*
*That’s assuming nothing goes wrong.*
*You don’t think it’s a good idea?”
*I don’t know if we have many options.*
Red sighs.
*It’ll have to be me. I do all the repair work, after all.*
*I’m sorry.*
*It’s fine. The thing is though——*
They hesitate.
*A partial transfer can be risky, especially without like, someone to keep watch during the procedure.*
*Yeah?*
*—————If we pull it off, maybe I should just stay in a separate prosthesis? It could raise our chances of pulling through next time something goes wrong.*
*huh..?*
Uh oh. That one got Cosine’s attention. The idea of Red splitting off into their own body is alien enough to put me on edge, let alone Cosine, who took Fever’s absence harder than anyone. Being isolated means our fates are disentangled. It means not being able to feel each other in our thoughts.
It means we might be one day lose each other.
But,
I can’t say they’re wrong.
*Cosine. I know this sounds weird. But Red’s right. It’ll be safer for all of us if two of us can front at once. We can carry more stuff, help each other with injuries, make dinner together.*
*okay*
I practically do a double take.
*Okay? I kinda thought you’d give me a harder time on this one Cos.*
*it’s okay. i want one too.*
*You want one what?*
*my own body*
Me and Fever sit in uneasy silence for a while.
*I guess fae’s at that age where fae wants faer own room?*
*Not funny Red!*
~~~~~~
It’s hard to imagine being alone when you can’t remember the last time you were.
Sure, it’s been years since I saw another person’s face, but I’ve never been alone.
To have someone as close to you as your own heart pulled away, even a little, its…
……
Well, the nice part is being able to look at them with your own eyes.
To take their hand in yours.
I’ve been such a downer lately.
Maybe I should try to focus on the nice part.
Red and I couldn’t talk Cosine out of wanting faer own body.
I think it’s partly stubbornness, but there’s more to it then that. Maybe it’s as simple as that same desire, to see another person’s face for once, and to be seen in return.
Setting the transfer was a long, uninteresting process.
It ended up being the longest we’ve staying in one place since the snow started, as we dug through boxes and scavenged for fuel and cables. I guess the nicest thing you can say about the world ending is that no one tries to make you pay for the things you need to live.
Little comforts.
~~~~~~
“Okay. I’ve got some not ideal news for you.”
“What are yo——— ahem. Sorry.”
“It’s okay, none of us are used to talking out loud anymore.”
Red’s body is strange, alien to look at, but their mannerisms so familiar it’s as if I can feel my body aching to follow along with them.
“What were you saying Five Seven?”
“No, you had something. You said it’s bad news?”
“Right, yeah.”
“The leg?”
I’m sitting on a table, my prosthetic leg off to the side. Cosine is crouched down, poking the fire with a stick to keep in going in the side office we’ve holed up in.
“Well. You remember when I said I thought the actuator in the hip joint was giving out?”
“Right.”
“I wasn’t quite on the money there.”
“Worse?”
Red sighs and adjusts their coat. A few days later and it seems like they still don’t know what to do with their hands when they aren’t working with them.
“There’s some anchors inside the hip/thigh area, the flesh part. It grafts the mechanical bits to bone so you aren’t putting all the strain on muscle and skin when you walk.”
“And there’s something wrong with the anchor?”
“I’m glad we figured it now and not in a couple months. We could have cracked the bone keeping on like this.”
“Okay, well how do we fix it?”
“Err.”
Red looks guilty. I knew where this was going but it still sits in my stomach like a brick.
“I’m not a surgeon, Five Seven. That would be a serious operation in the best of times, and these are not those times.”
“So, what do we do??”
“I’d say, we either have to fit you for a new prosthetic without nerve link, something with an external anchor. Or, we abandon our original body completely, and you jump into a prosthetic too.”
“Wait. If I do that, what happens to Fever?”
“For the kind of transference we can do without a full medical facility and a lot more expertise, you have to self identify for transfer. If Fever doesn’t come back, we can’t transfer them, and if they’re really gone…”
“Our original body would probably die, since there wouldn’t be anyone left to keep it breathing.”
“Yeah. Doing a full digitization would be better, but I don’t even know where to start.”
“It’s fine. I don’t need a nerve link. We’ll find something else for me to use. Our body isn’t so old that we need to give up on it yet.”
“Are you sure? It’s gonna be a lot harder to get around——“
I cut them off.
“I’m not giving up on Fever. Besides, it’s not like the nerve link leg was totally issue free. It always felt weirdly hot inside.”
Red nods, seemingly satisfied with my answer.
“Alright. I earmarked some shelves with exo units just in case. I’m gonna bring some stuff over”
“I kinda expected you to argue more.”
“Well, I don’t think it’s a dangerous decision. It’s not like this is the last Prosthlytize building still standing. We can revisit this again sometime.”
They smile.
“Besides, it’s not like I can make your choices for you, right? All we can do is support each other.”
Red gets out of the worn office chair they’ve been sunk into.
“Wait, aren’t you gonna hook me back up?”
I gesture to the worn nerve link prosthetic that’s carried us for untold miles of snowy coast.
“I think it’s best if you keep off that. Besides, you’ve done most of the work for a while, right? Let me and Cosine take it for a little while. Right, Cos?”
They smile over at Cosine’s small frame. Fae makes a big show of pouting and complaining, but they go to help out anyway.
Leaving me with only the fire for company.
Snow falls silently outside the window.
The fire crackles lightly.
It’s quiet.
For a second I can’t breathe.
CRASH——!
I jump, nearly falling off the table as I try to find the source of the noise. Then I hear, distantly, Red yelling not to worry, and the sound of Cosine giggling.
I breathe again.
Not alone.
They’re a room away.
If anything, it’ll be livelier than ever now.
And I smile, and lay back on the table, spreading my arms out and watching shadows dance on the drop ceiling of the office.
~~~~~~~
I turn my head, and I can just barely see the Prosthlytize building, falling behind the horizon.
We’ve been taking it a little slower as I get used to the exo prosthetic. It doesn’t connect to my hip at all now. It’s a sort of lightweight body brace that connects to a thin, springy leg prosthetic. I can make the joint bend by tensing muscles in my left side to keep a similar gait as I had before.
It’s a bit exhausting, working out muscles I don’t have as much practice with, but at least it doesn’t hurt like it used to. Plus it’s much easier to maintain.
I look ahead to see Cosine running around exclaiming something to Red, who pats faer on the head with a patient smile.
We haven’t decided where to head yet, but we have a few places in mind.
It’s been fun traveling with the two of them. While we walk, we chat about nothing, make up stories to tell each other, or deliberate about our goals. At night, we sleep curled up together in a pile, tangling our fingers together like we’ll never let go.
The three of us are the same as ever, but now our voices ring out loud through the silent landscape. Together, we spoil the peace of a world at it’s end.
And if you could hear it, you might even believe it’s not quite over yet.
Red scoops up Cosine’s small frame in their arms, and points out at a landmark in the distance.
Watching them, I smile a familiar smile, a smile that is not quite my own.
I look up at the sky, and a snowflake lands on my cheek.
I wonder if that smile was Fever’s, or if it was someone new, someone who hasn’t introduced themself yet.
Well, either way, I suppose life begets life.
Even if we were the last ones living in this pale world, we’re still not alone.
And now more than ever, I feel like there’s a chance that more people might be out there, somewhere. People who didn’t let go, either from sheer stubbornness, or for the sake of those that rely on them.
And if there are,
*I’d like it if we could meet them someday.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Comments
Benn Ends
Thank you for the kind words! I'm very excited for my next project, I hope you enjoy it when I have more to show of it!!
Benn Ends
I'm glad you've liked how this came out! I think it was heavily dyed by me deciding to move on from my short fiction and ended up with a real bittersweet kind of vibe, but I think in a nice way. And wow, that's a long time to stick around, Xey feels like forever ago! I hope you like what I make in the future too!!
Relia
That was really nice. The imagery! The hope! It feels like a nice way to end your microfiction project. I'll miss these stories, but I can't wait to see what your next project is!
Qymm
Thank you, Benn <3 This went in a completely different direction than I expected, and I really love how it came out. Our microfic suggestions are always quite autobiographical, so it's always a treat when we win and get to see where you take us. Thank you for all of the microfics you've written, both the ones we've prompted and the ones that inspired us to start following you on Twitter, then your Patreon. I started reading when I found Xey-737. So many of your works have touched us in a really core way. Hope the change in pace serves you well and you keep creating some really cool stuff. <3 quinn / qymm
That one with the boobs
Thank you, this was beautiful.
