Electra Rose
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Cuckoo Bird 10
🕑 Added 2024-08-13 17:00:01 +0000 UTCThe guy did turn out to be Jason, but he wasn’t in a very good mood with Tim. He basically didn’t talk at all. That was fair. Tim had hit him. He hung back and tried to not be annoying as Jason contacted the police, found the hostage, and talked to her in a low voice. When they heard sirens Jason grabbed Tim and took him out the door and onto his motorcycle. They went like, really fast.
The motorcycle was cool, but where it stopped was even better. Tim lifted his arms up obligingly so that Jason could pick him up by his armpits and set him down. Tim took a single step away before Jason shot his hand out lightning-fast and grabbed at Tim’s hand. He took his helmet off with one hand and dropped it onto a handle.
“Let’s stay together, Baby Bird.” Jason sounded exhausted. Tim was a little distracted from that, even though he really should have been more considerate of the adults in the area.
This was even cooler than his hideout. It was kinda gothic and damp and smelled a little funny. An apartment building couldn’t really compete with that.
“Wow,” Tim enthused. He tried to walk away to explore but Jason tugged him back by his hand. “I love it here. Can I live here?” He pointed up at the craggy ceiling, which really just looked like a natural cave with stalactites and all. “Maybe with the bats.” His tone tilted up into an optimistic question. The bats were neat. Were they local brown bats? That was fine, but he thought black bats would really fit Batman’s aesthetic more.
Jason let out a big sigh. “It’s not up to me,” he dodged the question. “Wanna press a button on the Bat computer?”
“Absolutely yes I do.” Tim chirped. Jason started towing him along again, uncaring or maybe even not noticing that Tim was craning in every direction to see the amazing sights. “Why’s it called a Bat Computer? Is it shaped like a bat? Hey, is Big Bird real?” he asked. “I’ve been concerned about that. I want to believe that he’s not real. But if he is, is he a predator? You have to tell me.”
“Big Bird is real and he is an omnivore,” Jason muttered. “Come on, why are you so wiggly?”
“An omnivore?” Tim echoed. He held Jason’s hand a little tighter. “What- does he eat kids? Because I think it’s highly suspicious that he spends all his time with little kids. Also, the kids change every season, and no one ever explains where they went.”
Jason stopped walking and stared at him directly as Tim outlined his troubling theory.
Tim waited.
“Yes,” Jason said. “That’s it exactly. Big Bird eats little boys. So stay close to me, okay?”
Tim clung to Jason’s whole arm in response. “Okay,” he said, as casually as he could manage. Internally he was screaming. Why would Batman hang out with Big Bird?
He felt… a little betrayed about it, actually. Batman didn’t kill people. He punched a lot of people like Dr. Ivy and Dr. Crane, but that wasn’t like eating kids!
‘How can they cooperate with Big Bird when Jason is investigating the sausage guy for doing the same thing?’ Tim thought, indignant. It was hypocritical. It was intolerable. It was a total abdication of his moral responsibility.
He was going to confront Batman about it.
He started internally preparing his arguments. He went quiet enough that Jason got suspicious about it. Tim was sorry that he couldn’t spend more time comforting Jason, but he was busy.
“Hey, you wanted to use the computer, right?” Jason shook him lightly.
Tim shrugged and hunched over a little.
“...It’s not that serious, kiddo,” Jason said, sounding kinda unsure. He was an awkward guy.
“I’m fine,” Tim said shortly. He just wanted Jason to let him think in peace.
The older boy sighed and started hitting buttons. He picked up something. “Hey, Bats,” he drawled.
The sound of a horn honking suddenly rang out.
“Little Wing?” said one of the people who had tried to break into Tim’s hideout. He buried his face in Jason’s side. Jason absently put a hand on his ribs and sort of patted. “Why are you in- you’re hailing from the Batcave?”
‘That was one of Batman’s associates? Why was Batman allowing a break in of my house?’ Tim felt his heart rate start to go up. Was he in trouble? The lady had said he was in trouble, but- but Oracle made him feel safe. He pressed himself a little closer into Jason and clung to his weird jacket.
“Red Hood.”
Batman’s voice didn’t make Tim feel as safe as it usually did. This future or universe was weird and he didn’t like it.
“Report,” Batman said, when no one responded to what he said.
Jason’s torso moved. Tim extracted his face just enough to see that Jason had flipped off the computer. “You are so bad at bird keeping,” Jason drawled. “All of you. Absolutely horrendous. There’s a situation, and there’s been a situation for days.” He sounded extremely cranky about it. He sounded like customs had taken his bags from him and cancelled his connecting flight and left him stranded in a Peruvian airport overnight with only his wits, a neck pillow, and a few thousand dollars.
“I suspected,” said a… A child’s voice. Tim felt his brow crinkle. He looked up. That was a young voice. Like, irresponsibly young. What was Batman doing? “As I told you, Red Robin has been eaten by the lion that escaped from the Denver zoo. If I had only been allowed to find and rehabilitate it, we could have avoided-”
“Right bird, wrong problem,” Jason cut him off. That was a shame. Tim wanted to know more about the lion situation. “Get your big ass back here and parent, motherfucker.”
Tim giggled.
“What-” - “”Did you just-” - “Is that a-”
Jason turned off the computer and then unplugged it. “Assholes,” he said to no one, very smugly. “That’ll put a bee in their…” His voice trailed off. He was looking down at Tim.
“Where will it put a bee?” Tim asked, eyes as large as he could make them. He was just messing with Jason now. He knew that expression. It was ‘bonnet’. Like, an old lady hat. What he didn’t know was why Jason wanted to censor that.
“...In Big Bird’s beak,” Jason said weakly.
Tim considered this outright weird deflection. “A suspicious amount of things seem to connect to Big Bird.” He said it cautiously, trying to feel out Jason’s position on this.
“Yeah, but don’t worry about it,” Jason said vaguely. Tim gave him a disgusted expression and Jason had the audacity to laugh.
Of course he was worried about it.
Something beeped.
“Hey Barbie,” Jason said to absolutely no one. He moved his legs further apart and sort of…posed.
Tim looked around. He didn’t see anyone.
‘Barbie as in Barbara Gordon??’ He looked a little harder for the person Jason had greeted. That was Batgirl. Batgirl was a known quantity.
“I think I know,” said Oracle. “Because I am the all-knowing eye and all of that.”
Jason made a rude sound. “If you knew, you would have locked the baby in a genius-proof jail so that he didn’t go try and feed himself to the Sausage Man.”
“He- what?” Oracle’s voice went flat. “I knew that he was de-aged, he didn’t want Dick to bother him and baby him while he looks like this. He did not go try to do field work while he looks 6 years old.” Her tone was extremely unimpressed.
“No, no,” Jason said. He made a theatrical hand gesture. It occurred to Tim that he was enjoying himself. “That’s definitely not what he did. He took his legitimately 9 year old body with accompanying 9 year old brain off to investigate a cannibal.”
“Tim.” Oracle sounded like she was in pain. “Do you know who I am?”
“From context, I think that you’re Batgirl,” Tim admitted shyly. He wished that Jason hadn’t stepped away. He had felt weirdly secure with his hands in Jason’s pockets. He did the same thing to his Dad and it always made him feel-
‘Oh no, that doesn’t bode well for my marriage,’ Tim realized. ‘I- I can’t be comparing him to my Dad.’ He put his hands in his own pockets, like the mature little man he was.
There was a very long silence that Tim kind of noticed while he was busy fretting. He realized it was probably his fault and he should fix it.
“Big fan,” Tim added meekly. It was true.
Oracle said a bad word.
“Comm is on speaker,” Jason said cheerfully. “Little guy is hearing you loud and clear, with his 9 year old ears..”
She repeated the bad word, louder this time. “I already messaged Zatanna, but I’m going to go set off the fire alarm in her hotel right now so she sees it.”
“You do that,” Jason agreed. He had a nice smile, even though he was clearly enjoying other people feeling flustered. Tim suddenly remembered that he kind of genuinely wanted to date Jason and felt his face turn red.
After they finished talking to Batgirl Oracle, Jason and Tim spent some time looking at Batman’s crime scene photography.
“What do you think happened here?” Jason said, shifting in the chair.
“I think this is the aftermath of human trafficking,” Tim decided.
Jason clicked to the next photo. “What’s this?”
Tim squinted at it. In the distance, an engine came into earshot and approached rapidly. Tim hummed and kicked his heels. “I think that this is a much better photo,” he said. He distantly recognized that there were two separate engines. “That’s my first impression. Look at the composition.” Tim frowned. “Hey, stop laughing! The lighting is-”
A door opened and then slammed shut.
“Big Bird’s home,” Jason said gleefully. He stood up and grabbed Tim under the armpits. He turned Tim around and then hoisted him in the air. He dangled. It was an undignified experience that he didn’t have the ability to process it immediately.
For a single disorienting moment, Tim tracked the glint of light off the Batmobile and off a motorcycle. A guy was on the motorcycle. The door was opening on the passenger side of the Batmobile. That had to be Big Bird. Tim was dangling in the air helpless, presented for Big Bird’s approval.
‘He’s feeding me to Big Bird,’ Tim realized.
He screamed. He kicked wildly midair and his heels connected with Jason’s chest.
“What the f-”
“He’s little!” said the man who tried to break into Tim’s hideout. He seemed delighted by this turn of events. What, was Tim smaller than the usual bird chow?
He screamed again, high and sharp. Tim contorted to kick Jason in the face. Jason let him go by accident and then Tim was falling to the ground shoulder-first, he wasn’t going to be able to run away-
The scary apartment intruder caught him. “Tim?” He was baffled. “What’s wrong-”
Tim screamed again and tried to squirm away. He couldn’t escape.
“Fuck,” Jason said, voice muffled through his elbow. “Fuck!” There was blood coming from his nose.
“This is typical,” said the child from earlier. Tim tried to see the speaker.
A Robin was standing there, arms crossed and unimpressed.
Oh.
That was who got out of the passenger door. Tim calmed down and squirmed so that he could see Robin better. “What were you saying about a lion?” he asked. “Do you have a good place to keep one? Where would you put it? Have you had a lion before?”
“I have had tigers,” said Robin. “So you agree that it would be better-”
“Robin, no,” interrupted Batman. He was- Okay, Tim already knew that he was big. But he was truly huge up close.
The bad guy relaxed his grip. “Are you gonna break my nose if I let you go?” he asked Tim. He kind of laughed as he said it.
Tim paused. He felt a little bad. “As long as there’s not really Big Bird here,” he reluctantly promised.
“...What?” said the bad man.
Jason started laughing hysterically. “That’s why-” He made a horrible groan and kind of lilted forward. “Fuck…”
The bad man let Tim go. Tim scrambled away and gave him a cautious head nod. Maybe he wasn’t that bad, even though he was an intruder.
“Why did you try to break into my hideout?” he asked. He did his level best to look intimidating. They didn’t know he was that scared. He’d managed to hurt Jason, after all, and Jason was even bigger than this guy.
Robin let out an irritated fricative. “Everyone here is a fool.” His announcement was so confident that Tim looked to him for elaboration. “Todd was bullying you by referring to Richard as ‘Big Bird.’ It is an asinine nickname. As I have said before, it only introduces unnecessary confusion and distress.” He was… kind of unpleasantly smug, Tim decided. But he wasn’t wrong.
“You’re not wrong,” Tim said. It was good manners to repeat your nice thoughts out loud. “So…” his voice trailed off and got small as he realized just how silly he looked. He’d had a total false alarm. “There’s no… the yellow Big Bird that eats children isn’t here?” His voice got really small by the end.
There was a moment of perfect silence.
“You told him that I eat children?” Richard- oh!!! Robin!!! That was the real Robin!!!!- kind of shouted at Jason. He was really mad. Wow! Tim beamed at him, fear forgotten. Holy cow, Robin!! Well, big Robin- oh, the nickname made more sense now!
Jason flipped Richard off. He sort of snarled. “Serves you right, you walking sphincter-”
“Boys, please.” Batman took off his cowl. It was Bruceman Waynebat alright, but–
“You’re really old,” Tim said, too surprised to keep that inside thought where it belonged.
Batman looked exhausted.
“That is correct,” Robin agreed. “Father, I will escort Timothy-”
“No!” said all three of the adults at the same time.
That… That made Tim feel a little suspicious of Robin. He edged away the slightest bit.
Robin crossed his arms again. “Egregious,” he muttered to himself, and then turned on his heel with a flutter of his cape. He left the room without further comment.
Tim felt a little bad. “Bye!” he called. Robin did not slow down or respond at all. Tim wilted a little bit. It kind of felt like nobody liked him here.
“I’m sorry.”
Everyone looked at him. “Why are you sorry?” asked Richard.
Oh. Tim shrunk back. He didn’t know what the right answer was. What did they want? “Because I hit Jason with Mrs. Henderson’s mace?” he guessed meekly.
“He sprayed you with mace?” Richard seemed delighted.
Tim shook his head wildly, sending hair flying. “No!” He was distressed. “That would be mean!”
“Stop helping,” Jason muttered, but it was too late to stop saying,
“She has a Gothic mace,” Tim reported. “It weighs about 2 kilograms and I think it was from Western Europe. I don’t know if she legally owns it. It may be a replica but now that I think about it, it could be real and that would be neat.”
Richard made a sound like air escaping a balloon.
“Shut up!” Jason said. Then he looked at Tim. “Mrs. Henderson- why did you know that?” His voice was higher. “Was that your first time at Orange’s house?”
“He was WHERE,” Richard said, at the same time that Batman demanded, “Report!”
Everyone ignored Batman.
“No.” Tim shrunk back a bit. “I went there yesterday, too. Mrs. Henderson gave me hot chocolate and told me about child labor.”
Jason put his face in his hands again. His nose blood was trailing down his neck now.
“I didn’t go into Mr. Orange’s house yesterday,” Tim admitted in the interest of fairness. “His windows were all closed. But I did talk to him a little.”
Richard made another teapot sound and picked Tim up.
The big computer turned itself on. A pretty woman was-
“Batgirl!” Tim said, and waved enthusiastically at her.
She lifted a hand back and stared at him. She had dark undereye circles, but she was still really pretty. “Zatanna should be there in a couple of minutes, so no one shoot her.”
Jason flipped Batgirl off as well and sort of sulked.
“Tim, I’m sorry that I missed your condition,” Batgirl said. “I would have offered you more support.”
“It’s okay,” Tim reassured her. “I had a good time. Tam gave me lots of fun stuff to do. And Jason was really nice to me.”
Everyone looked at Jason.
“Oh?” Batgirl said.
“I was not,” Jason said, sounding harassed.
“Of course he was,” Tim said, kind of confused by the way they were acting. “Doesn’t he have to be?” He waited a moment. “He’s my boyfriend, right?”
Jason choked. Richard let out a loud “HA!” Batman made a sound that Tim had never heard before from a human and didn’t know how to classify. Kind of a ‘yack!” with lots of phlegm involved.
Oh, no. Tim laid out his evidence hastily. “He called me Baby,” Tim listed.
“Baby Bird,” Jason corrected desperately.
“That’s not any better,” Richard said. He had a horrible weird grin that stretched too wide across his face. “It's certainly a pet name.”
“Die-”
Tim continued over their commentary, counting on his fingers. “He brought me soup!” He stressed it. “With dumplings in it- real dumplings!” That was important evidence. No one had made him real dumplings before that!
“I said that meant nothing!” Jason snapped.
“And my email signature says Tim Drake-Wayne,” Tim continued. “Bruce and Richard are really really old, so I couldn’t have married either one of them,” he said, practically. It was unthinkable.
Batgirl made a snort-laugh. “Good theory,” she said, catlike grin firmly in place. Richard was silent at that part.
“I’m gathering from context that I was wrong,” Tim admitted. He crossed his arms. “But I had good reason for the theory.” He felt a bit sullen about it. He didn’t deserve to get laughed at.
“Tim.” Batman knelt in front of him and used his soft ‘I love you voice.’
Oh.
“I adopted you,” he said. He made serious eye contact.
Tim stared back. “Did you marry my mom?” he asked, heartbroken. “Wait- my Dad? Did you marry my Dad?!” He hit Batman in the chest, suddenly hysterical. “I hate you! You broke up my parents’ marriage?! Why would you seduce them?” He felt betrayed.
Batman caught his hands and hefted him up. “No, no, sweetheart,” he soothed. Everyone else was very quiet.
That was worse than Batman breaking up his parents’ marriage.
It had been a long week. That was Tim’s justification for bursting into tears if anyone asked him. He had been desperately avoiding thinking about the years-old postcard on the fridge and the fact that Mom hadn't video called him even once in the week he had been stranded here.
Batman bounced him and made shushing noises, his big warm hand moving up and down Tim’s back.
“I wanna go hoooome,” Tim howled. He pressed his full body into Batman and clung with all his might. “I wanna go home, I want my mom!” He wailed.
“Oh, buddy,” Bruce said sadly. His breath hitched. “I know. I know, sweetheart.”
“Is it a bad time?”
Tim lifted his face. Through blurry tears he saw a new lady was there. “Where are your pants?” he sniffled.
“Yeah, Zatanna,” Jason said sweetly. “Where are your pants?”
She gave him a withering look. “This is Red Robin as a chick, then?” She pursed her lips at him. “Cute kid. You wanna go home?” She made a gesture for Batman to put him down.
Bruce hesitated. Tim smacked at his chest. “Yes,” he said. Bruce sort of sighed and let Tim down to the ground again.
“Let me get a good look at you.” She knelt to his level and muttered something with an offhand sort of gesture that she didn’t seem to do on purpose. Tim kept his back straight. “Alright, this is a quick fix. Wanna say goodbye?”
“Goodbye, little Timmy,” Richard said quickly. He sort of sniffled. Batgirl quickly echoed him. Batman sort of squeezed his shoulder and forced out a gruff goodbye.
Tim looked at Jason. Everyone else did, too.
“Aren’t you going to say anything to your boyfriend?” Richard stage-whispered. Zatanna made a weird face.
Jason looked like he’d tasted something terrible. Tim shrunk back. “It’s okay,” he said in a small voice. “He doesn’t have to-”
“There goes my reputation,” Jason muttered, and came over to give Tim a hug. “Goodbye, baby bird. You did a really good job and we are all proud of you. Go home and give your Mom a hug for me, okay?”
“Softie,” Richard hissed. Tim didn’t care.
“I love you too,” Tim said, because that was the kind of thing adults meant when they said they were proud of you. “Okay, Miss Katana. I’m ready to go.”
“Zatanna,” she said. “Sa uoy erew eforeb!”
He sort of blacked out for a second.
Then Tim was 19 years old, 5 foot 6 inches tall, and standing in the Batcave surrounded by people who would make fun of him mercilessly for thinking Jason was his husband if he did not immediately deflect and make him the target of mockery instead. He was very lucky that he’d been dressed in his own clothes when he’d transformed. At least he looked normal.
Bruce opened his mouth to ask a question.
Tim cut him off. “You’re a big softie,” he immediately accused Jason. “Those dumplings were homemade. You checked in on me so many times. Can’t believe you accuse Dick of mothering us.” He made a shitty grin.
Jason reared back, affronted. Dick made a vindicated sound, apparently recovered from the psychic damage of being put in the same category of ‘too old’ as Bruce. Tim mentally lowered the risk level of Dick starting a teasing campaign against him in retaliation.
“Haha, you love me,” Tim taunted Jason, dangerously close to be playing this kind of game and too reckless to care. He wasn’t going down for this mess. “L!” He put his thumb and forefinger up to make an L on his forehead. “Loser!”
“Listen, you little shit,” Jason started. He balled up a fist and took a step forward.
Bruce cut him off. “Jason, it’s not embarrassing to love your little brother. Thank you for being so mindful of his health and checking in on his welfare. I’m very proud of you.”
Jason made a sound like a cat throwing up.
“Yeah, I’m going to go,” Zatanna said flatly. She nodded to Tim. “If anything seems wrong, just text me. Oracle, don’t contact me.”
“Love you too,” Barbara said cheerfully.
Zatanna gave her a withering look and portalled away.
Tim ducked away and ran upstairs before Jason could lunge at him. Behind him he heard a scuffle start up. “Little Wing, you need to get checked out,” Dick said sweetly. Glass broke. “Alfred! Jason needs caretaking!”
“No, I need to kick Tim’s ass!” Jason howled. Tim made it to the stairs and started taking them two at a time.
He passed Alfred going the other way. “Master Tim,” Alfred said, forcing him to stop fleeing. Jason wouldn’t get him with Alfred right there anyway. Alfred was home base for these games. “Are you staying for the night?”
Tim opened his mouth to say ‘No’ because really, he didn’t need to be here when he was an adult who had his own place. Then he thought about how he’d felt alone in his apartment for the last week, longing for human connections and so hungry for approval that he’d gratefully accepted whatever task a friendly stranger suggested to him.
“Yeah, I’ll stay for the weekend,” Tim said, and ambushed Alfred with a hug. Alfred went stiff, but wrapped an arm around his back a moment later. “Love you.” He broke away and started running up the stairs again. He barely heard the answering sentiment.
It was good to be home.
…He kind of wanted soup.
Comments
ElectricMaehem
I'm really happy that you liked it! Thanks for commenting so much.
carmino
this was absolutely lovely. tim’s characterization was great, and this was overall so much fun. thank you for writing!!
