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Great Lakes & Expectations chp 26
🕑 Added 2019-12-25 12:30:03 +0000 UTCHatake-san was lingering outside her office before her working hours even started on Monday. Regina ignored him until exactly 9am, taking a very long time to arrange her papers as he glared.
“Hello Hatake-san, how may I help you?” She smiled. “It’s a lovely morning, isn’t it?”
“Good morning, Jiraiya-hime. When can I meet with the Hokage?”
‘Damn, he just isn’t going to give up on this one, is he? I’m not allowed to give him a meeting, Sandaime-sama explicitly said that he didn’t want Hatake-san ruining his work days.’
“Did you ask Keiko-san?” She tried to defer. “I’m not actually in charge of scheduling anymore.”
He seemed utterly confused. “Then what do you even do here?”
“Things that would both bore you and are over your clearance, probably.” She shot back. “Keiko-san might have more power over his schedule than I do.”
He narrowed his eye at her, but he left. He came back less than two minutes later.
“She says that she can’t do anything for me.” It was terse. “You have final say.” He pointed to the sign on her door. “I’m informed that you outrank her.”
‘Fair enough. I shouldn’t have thrown her to you, even if it is her job again.’
“I’ll see what I can do for you then.” Regina put down her budget sheets. Hatake looked at them for a moment before his eye glazed over and he went back to looking at her.
She flipped through her calendar. Hatake seemed to untense a little bit, and shoved his hands into his pockets.
Regina hummed to herself as she flipped meaninglessly through pages. The Hokage was actually busy, but to be honest she could have crammed Hatake in there almost any day he wanted if the Hokage would allow it. He wouldn’t. Which is why she was about to piss Hatake off again.
“Are you available… September 31st?” She asked, tapping her pen on her calendar.
“That’s more than a month from now.” He grated out. Then, he paused. “Also, that day doesn’t exist!”
She sat up quickly and waved her hands. “Don’t say that so loudly!” She put a finger up to her lips. “I managed to delay Danzou-shishou’s meetings indefinitely that way. Don’t ruin it.”
“Then give me a day that exists?” Hatake-san suggested quietly, sounding mildly amused.
She flopped back down. She couldn’t do that. Technically, scheduling wasn’t even her job anymore now that she was doing actual work.
“Technically, he has time today, but…”
“But what.” He didn’t even sound angry.
“He’s been having…” she struggled to find the right words. “Intestinal difficulties. Someone gave him three day old sashimi yesterday.”
“Is that so?” He sidled up to her desk, getting way closer than most Japanese people ever did.
“Yes, unfortunately.” She shook her head. “It’s really unfortunate. If it continues, we might have to send him to the doctor.”
“Well, I’d hate to distress him.” Hatake lingered, examining all the papers on her desk as well as her person. It was like he was trying to make her intimately aware of the fact that he felt totally comfortable invading her personal space. “I’ll come back in a few hours to see if he’s feeling better. Just to check on his well-being.”
“I’m sure that he will appreciate that. You’re very kind, Hatake-san.” She smiled.
He eye-smiled back. “See you soon!”
She slipped out of the office just before 10:00, so she could pick up Sasuke as soon as he could be released. He was getting awfully twitchy about being stuck in an ugly white room that couldn’t be aired out.
‘The mustiness in there isn’t great, no lie. Maybe it’s how hot Konoha is?’
He was ready to go, in his regular clothes with socks on and all his swag packed. The instant she rounded the door, he slipped off the bed and into his shoes with his backpack on.
“Can we go, kaa-chan?” He held out his hand. “I’m very ready to leave.”
“I know you are. Let’s go get you checked out.” His hand slid into hers and they went to the nurses’ stations, where she chatted with the nurse on duty and got his discharge forms.
She filled out a myriad of forms and swept him up back into the office.
“Well,” she looked around.
‘It’s a gorgeous office, really nice mokuton wood flooring and details, gorgeous decor… but not a great place to hang out for a kid.’
Luckily, she’d at least sort of prepared.
“I have work to do,” she bent down and told him, eye to eye. “You’re welcome to hang out in the office, but papers on my desk shouldn’t be looked at or touched. The couch is for you, and the bottom left drawer is filled with art supplies, puzzles, and games. Please don’t open any other drawers, or open any envelopes, or scrolls, no matter how interesting they seem. Ok?”
“Will you play with me over lunch?’ he asked, surveying his new domain. “You have free time then, right?”
“Right.” She confirmed. “We will eat lunch together, and play games and stuff. After work, we go to pick up Naruto, then we go for more ‘family time’ at my classes.”
“I don’t really want to take your classes.” He whined, sticking out his lower lip. “I want to train.”
‘That’s a fair point.’
“I think you need to do both,” Regina said slowly, trying to think. He’d had family to help him before. She needed to get Naruto a tutor, stat. Maybe she’d just get them both tutors and save herself some grief. “Come with me to classes sometimes, so that we all have manners and you don’t accidentally embarrass yourselves or me, and I’ll find you someone to help train you.”
He whipped around to her, focusing hard.
“I want Gai-san.”
‘Also fair. He knows Gai saved his life and met him again the other week. I can’t blame him for making that logical leap.’
“Gai-san might be busy.” she warned him. Jounin kind of had a massive overwork problem. “But I’ll ask him for you.” she ruffled his fluffy hair, and he batted her hand away.
But he seemed pleased with that, and flopped onto the couch after removing his shoes. He stretched out like a cat, and immediately passed out.
“Thank you, Ebisu-san, for such a comprehensive report. Is there anything else?” The Sandaime asked, more out of practice than real interest.
“Yes! Thank you Hokage-sama. Please, I really would like to impress upon you again the fervour of my devotion to teaching your grandson the noble shinobi arts.”
Regina looked up from her notes. She definitely hadn’t lost track in the last minute and started doodling.
It was just that all of these mission briefings were basically identical, unless they suddenly veered into hellscape territory. How many times could she really write ‘Bob-san went and got the thing. He did not somehow fall in a hole, kill anyone he wasn’t supposed to, or get seriously injured. Bob deserves a cookie’?
But this was a personally intriguing development. She watched a Jounin with sunglasses and what looked like a hair bonnet shake with determination.
“Konohamaru-kun is two years old, Ebisu-san.” The Hokage said patiently. “Though your persistence and passion are greatly appreciated, he’s just too young to benefit.”
“Please, Hokage-sama, let me prove myself!” the man implored, looking at the Sandaime and then to her.
‘Wow, he really must be desperate. No one ever remembers I exist.’
The thought that had piqued her interest filled out in delicious detail. Her lizard brain was doing calculations. She quite liked her odds.
“Anou, Hokage-sama.” She said casually. “A thought occurs.”
He gave her what she now knew to be a supremely amused look, even though it was with the most minute of facial indicators. That was what happened when you spent upwards of eight hours a day staring at a person.
“What would that be, Rejina-hime?” He leaned back in his chair.
“As you know, my son Naruto came to me with abysmal scores in his classes at the Academy. He is dead last in his class- and certain to continue falling behind without intervention.” She tried to watch the Jounin in the room without moving her eyes from the Hokage. He was definitely facing her direction. She couldn’t gauge his reaction super well with those sunglasses on. But he wasn’t affecting any defensive or aggressive body language, so… “If Ebisu-san would be able to improve Naruto’s grades, which I know are of as great concern to you as they are to me, I would think that would prove his suitability as a tutor for your grandson, when he is ready.”
She put on as much of a demure face as possible, looking to the floor. “That is, of course, if you believe that Ebisu-san would be up to the task.”
Ebisu-san’s jaw dropped, just a hint. Enough that she knew that he was shocked.
But he didn’t protest whatsoever.
The Hokage nodded at her. “I think that would be a very good indicator of the talent and quality of Ebisu’s ability as an educator.” He turned back to the man in the room slowly.
“You’ve stated for quite a long time that your ambition is to train the children of kage,” a slight tilt of his eyes in her direction hammered in the point that she, in a technical sense, fit the bill. “This seems like a very good opportunity for you. Would you agree?”
Ebisu swallowed. He looked at her again for a moment.
Then he turned to the Hokage. “Yes, Hokage-sama. I would be honored to teach the son of Jiraiya-hime, fukukage of Konohagakure.”
‘Oh, no one has ever said my title out loud before. I really. Really. Like it. This might be my kink. I’ve finally found it. Vice-dictator of a military village. It’s not too shabby at all, really.’
Satisfaction curled up in her stomach, and she didn’t fight the smile that bloomed on her face.
“Thank you, Ebisu-san.” the Hokage said, stamping his mission briefing and handing it back. “Rejina-hime, you can take him back to your office now, to start this important undertaking.”
She led him back to her office, where she beckoned him to sit at the chair across from hers.
He swallowed again, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down. She tried not to look too much like the cat that got the canary. That tended to inspire negative reactions in people, and she needed this relationship to go well.
‘To think, I thought I was going to have to really bust my ass to find Naruto a tutor.’
“So, Ebisu-san.” She smiled as pleasantly and vacantly as possible, getting out her schedule-book. “I’m afraid Naruto is very behind on his written work, as well as his physical performance in the Academy. You’ll have your work cut out for you.”
“Yes, Jiraiya-hime.” His face looked tight.
“But I’m sure you’ll succeed.” She said kindly, willing him to not flee and abandon his commitment immediately. “And when you do, I will endeavor to help you succeed in your goal of teaching the kages of the future.”
She huffed to herself, thinking of Naruto’s own personal goal. “Maybe you’re even starting now. Speaking of, when can you start?”
Hatake was loitering near the coffee machine in the office staff room. She had no idea for how long, but Homura-san was glaring at him from a table.
‘Sure, this seems like stable behavior. Very normal of you to hang out in a place you have no reason or right to be to bother me. A+ demonstration of why Hokage-sama does not want to meet with you.’
He watched her as she got her coffee, poured sugar and creamer into it, and stalked behind her back to the outside of her office. Then he coughed.
She turned around.
“Oh, Hatake-san, I didn’t see you there.” she smiled as cheerily as she could. “Are you checking in on our beloved Hokage?”
“Yes.” He sounded perfectly pleasant, but his eyes weren’t playful at all. He was definitely annoyed. “Is he unoccupied yet?”
Regina saw Keiko purposefully throw her pen to the floor behind Hatake, and dive under her desk, ostensibly to retrieve it.
She thought about how sad it was that she didn’t have the same option. It did the thing she wanted, contorting her face. “Unfortunately, no.” She leaned closer to him and whispered. “I’m afraid that he’s, ah…”
He blinked at her. He was obviously waiting for the lie.
‘Well, let’s give the people what they want.’
“It’s actually apparently orange in color, now.” She confided. “The medic-nin are a bit mystified, but they assure me that he’ll be back to one hundred percent just in time for his bird-watching seminar this weekend.” She shrugged helplessly.
He just stared. He was uncomfortably close, if she really thought about it. She decided not to think about it.
“He really loves birds.” She gave a sad little half-apology smile. “Thank you again for checking on him. You’re his favorite Jounin, you know.” Then she took the last few steps towards her office, turning the door knob and looking back at him.
Hatake paused and seemed to consider following her into her office anyway- but then abruptly turned on his heel and left the office area.
She watched as Keiko crawled up from the floor like a B-grade horror monster, slid into her chair, and resumed scrawling away at her work.
When she shut the door and turned around, there was a beautiful gilded letter on her desk, and a discarded piece of snakeskin next to it.
Sasuke was still lightly snoring on her couch, little chest going up and down with his breaths. That… made her really angry about whoever did this.
“The list of suspects is small, and I need better security.” Regina narrowed her eyes and leaned forward to peer at it suspiciously. She did not touch it.
The envelope was gold leaf. It had presumably been delivered by snake-mail.
‘And the handwriting is familiar.’
She used chopsticks to move the envelope into the conbini sack that had transported her breakfast, and tossed the snakeskin in on top. Then she put the chopsticks into a trashcan immediately and brought the suspicious letter to the office next door.
“Sandaime-sama,” she called.
“Good afternoon,” the Hokage said absently.
“No,” Regina said, “I brought a threatening letter.”
He put down the folder in his hands and looked at her directly. “Do you have enemies?”
She blinked. That was not a train of thought she had considered. “Ano.” Regina thought about it. “I recently started learning to play the koto, and Naruto is learning taiko to accompany me. So I suppose any of our neighbors could want us dead. Other than that… The contractor who built my house was really unhappy when I asked him to add a third and fourth floor. I had to be very insistent. Ah, Hatake-san is probably unhappy that I told him you couldn’t have a meeting this month because you’re scheduled to have gastrointestinal distress whenever he visits. Oh!” She snapped her fingers. “The creepy guy who offered me a job. The one whose employee assaulted me in a bathroom. Can’t rule him out.” She held up a hand. “About this tall, terrifying, polite, lovely hair.”
The Sandaime let out a long, slow breath. He folded his hands in front of him. “Orochimaru,” he said dryly. He looked up at the ceiling. “I suppose that it would be too much to hope that he would have no interest in Jiraiya’s family. That cannot be helped. And I am certain that Hatake-san has not sent you any letter. He is more direct.” He frowned. “You will know for certain when he is displeased with you. He will not allow you be unaware of his malcontent… I will also be more clear in future about what excuses to give when avoiding meetings.”
“Yes, sir,” she said mildly. She was fully aware that without being directly forbidden, she was going to continue to use that one all day.
He gave her an unimpressed look. “The neighbors and the contractor, however, seem to have been enemies of your own making. You might exercise some restraint going forward.”
“I choose to live out loud, sir.”
He sighed again. “Might I see this letter?”
She held out the bag. “I didn’t want to touch it.”
He took it gingerly, and peeked inside. Then he dropped the bag to his desk and sighed, pulling out the envelope.
“Your instincts regarding Orochimaru-san were right.” He said, sounding annoyed. “This would be his stationery.”
‘A fucking missing nin has internationally-known, instantly recognizable stationery?’
He opened the mail and read it, looking increasingly irritated. He threw it back onto the pile of papers on his desk.
“He wants an apology for your lack of acceptance to his very generous job offer.” The Sandaime said.
‘Oh. That’s all? I can write thank you notes or apology notes in my sleep. Except… in Japanese. Dammit.’
“I’ll work on that straightaway.” She promised, looking at the thing. Regina still didn’t want to touch it.
“We’ll write it together.” The Hokage corrected. “You might fall into trap of words. He loves those.”
“So, I’d tell him that I was sorry for not responding with my regrettable refusal of his very generous offer, because I did not previously have a return address.” She guessed. “Not for not accepting the offer, and definitely nothing to insult him.”
“Not bad.” The Hokage grabbed a brush and his inkwell. “I’ll write it up, and we will send it off. Just to warn you,” he made eye contact, “he will likely contact you again.”
“Through mail, and not with more toilet attackers, right?” She clarified. “I did not like that.”
“Probably through mail, so long as you respond in the appropriate manner.” He pulled out a nice sheet of paper, and dipped the tip of the brush in the ink. “He will continue to be interested so long as you remain interesting. Or so long as your father lives and breathes, and Orochimaru-san knows that it will continue to drive him insane.”
He completed the letter within only about ten minutes, and she blew the ink dry while he addressed the envelope.
“Seal them yourself using your wax seal after leaving it on your person for a time, for the scent.” He instructed. “He will suspect my involvement, but so long as I imitate your handwriting and not my own, he cannot be sure.”
‘Okay then, glad that’s figured out.’
Regina carefully took the materials and had them sent to the tree trunk with a hole at the border of Grass, as the address stated.
‘Y’all are so weird that you’re on a whole new level. Who sends threatening Miss Manners letters?’
Agent Boar bowed, dim light glinting off the tusks of his mask.
“Yes, Danzou-sama.”
Danzou just looked at him, clutching his walking stick.
Still, there could be no doubt about who held the power in this situation- and he would go to great lengths to ensure that it remained that way. Even the disrespectful abuse of dead flesh was tolerable, if it helped Danzou to ensure the safety of the village he loved. And Boar would help him do it, because Boar was loyal.
“Boar.” he stated, eye lingering on the mask and the face he knew was under it.
To his credit, Boar did not flinch.
“You have your orders.” He said, “Go.”
True to his word, he arrived again a bit after lunch. Regina was gathering the next set of folders to take into her office for budget examination. These numbers were just not adding up. It was making her crazy.
He opened his mouth, but she shook her head immediately. He picked up a stack of folders and followed her into her office. He shut the door behind them and looked at the boy coloring on the floor. His gaze momentarily seemed to soften.
“What now?” he asked.
She shrugged, trying to look sad. “You know, sometimes when people get old, they just have problems with incontinence. It’s really unfortunate.”
“And embarrassing.” He added, picking up a folder and examining it. “Also, this looks very boring. You were right.”
“I’m glad that I can continue to live up to expectations,” she said dryly. “I’m sure my life is not up to your measure of excitement. Incidentally, how is your presentation coming?”
He blinked. “You approved it earlier.”
She shrugged. “I assumed you would continue to improve it, as we’re having such severe scheduling difficulties. I thought you wanted to present as best a case as possible. Perhaps we’re very different people.”
“Perhaps.” He allowed. “I’ll be back tomorrow, to see if Sandaime-sama is still…”
“Indisposed.” She said, smiling with her teeth. “Yes, please do.”
He leaned in closer, and it was definitely tinged with intentional intimidation. “I will. Thank you, Jiraiya-hime.”
Hatake-san strode out of her office and Regina went back to figuring out why the hell the budgetary allotments for almost every department didn’t match up with their expenditures.
Comments
Ayu
At this rate she'll be out-Kakashing the Kakashi
Gromweld
Love the Hiruzen/Ebisu/Regina exchange, so many different in-joke layers going on there! And I’m getting the feeling that Kakashi is starting to come back to Regina not just to see Hiruzen, but to see what new and awful/embarrassing excuses Regina will give him this time.
