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352: Satsuki's Sins
🕑 Added 2025-11-10 07:33:46 +0000 UTCOnce Satsuki was certain that none of the cores had their attention turned her way, Satsuki leaned against a wall and slumped, briefly letting all the air out of her lungs as she took a moment to recover. That man had no idea what he'd done, but how could he? There were some secrets that Satsuki kept buried so deep that she barely knew that she had them.
Handing her a soul stone like that. Well, if she had any doubts about his trust in her when it came to important things, she now had proof of that trust.
Shaking off those thoughts, Satsuki straightened and recovered her composure and breath before continuing on her way. There was a bit of a walk ahead of her, as she needed to make her way past the arena, out through the onsen, and across the ocean to reach the marsh zone before it would be safe to cross over.
Even she wasn't ready to dare step across the barrier and step out directly over that underground sea, especially given the burden of her particular sins.
She could move there faster if she really wanted to, but a long walk was a good time to think about everything else, too. Really, using those silly nicknames like that — it was a ridiculous and awful thing to do, and in its own way, perfect.
Satsuki did not care for diminutive nicknames from most people; they were often used in an attempt to diminish the other person. But from Mordecai, it was a teasing acknowledgment of who she was, mixed with him just being himself — he was always playing with names and their meanings.
Those nicknames were also a message from Moriko and Kazue, probably at Moriko's prompting. They were one step closer to fulfilling Satsuki's dream. What a wonderful and terrifying thought, with Moriko having become the most terrifying part recently.
During their brief stay in Azeria before heading north to free Svetlana, Moriko had found a moment to talk to Satsuki alone, and some of those words were etched into Satsuki's mind. "My lady has told me that you are in need of her more punishing aspect, to help you purge your guilt, and that I may call upon her to aid me in fulfilling your needs. I do not know what sins burden you, but I can give this advice: ensure that all of your guilty sins are in the past. If you are still burdened by active secrets, then you can not be cleansed of your guilt."
Then Moriko had shown Satsuki a new trick of hers. Black lightning coalesced into one of Moriko's tethers, but this one was different. It had what was almost a proper handle, but the lash was far too short for Moriko's normal combat usage. Instead, the length of it had what looked like barbs of lightning. Then it split at its base, creating two lengths from the handle. And again, for four, then eight, and then just one more added.
It was a very wicked-looking nine-tailed lash made out of black lightning, and the sight had made Satsuki's heart race. Moriko then confirmed some aspects of the promised cleansing. "Once it begins, it will not stop until you feel you have paid your penance, and during this, I will be hosting Lady Sakiya again, to ensure that we can stop as soon as that happens. Oh, and whatever else may happen, this will be my part in claiming you as one of Azeria's raid bosses, so you have until then to prepare."
Others might have mistook that for a threat, but this was an offer and a gift. Satsuki would never stop being herself, but there were issues behind some of her worst traits, and if some of that could be laid to rest, then Satsuki could fulfill the role that she wanted all the better.
She knew about Lady Sakiya's punishing aspect, of course; it was a necessary aspect of guiding some people to fulfilling their passions. While guilt was an important emotion to help regulate a person's actions and decisions, it could also become a burden, keeping them from moving forward.
Maybe this is why she had never been able to truly tell Mordecai what she wanted and needed. The idea of sharing him had never been a problem for her, but that was part of having her own needs outside of him. Moriko was similar to Satsuki in this, but she was also so much younger than Satsuki had been when she'd met Mordecai, and Moriko had not been carrying the same issues into their relationship.
Satsuki had never been able to just tell Mordecai that she would always need to play her games. Instead, she had tried to fulfill the role that he felt most comfortable with. That was one of her mistakes, possibly along with the thrill she received from provoking him upon occasion.
That brought her wandering thoughts to Orchid. A sweet girl overall, but she was developing the same bad habits that Satsuki had, from what had been passed on about the conversation between Orchid and Mordecai.
The rest of her walk had Satsuki musing over both what she had to teach Orchid and how those lessons reflected on things Satsuki also did not do well, which helped her not dwell on what was to come, but eventually she approached the shores of the dark sea.
Cliodhna was already waiting, of course, along with her pair of hounds. How could she not be? The soul stone alone would have been enough. "Lady Cliodhna," Satsuki said as she bowed, proffering the soul stone containing Dimitri's soul to her, "I believe this belongs to your Lord and Lady."
"Indeed," Cliodhna said as she delicately picked up the stone. "It will be interesting to see how they judge this one." Then she simply waited, watching Satsuki.
"You knew from the start, didn't you?" Satsuki asked with a sigh. "That's why you paid enough attention to so readily pierce my disguise as a four-tail."
"Indeed."
Nothing. No sign of judgment or censure. Then again, it was not Cliodhna's place to judge, was it? Still, it was hard to not feel a trace of fear as small balls of light began drifting from her tails. Not fox fire, though someone who only knew vague descriptions might mistake them for such. Soul fires, little bundles of spiritual energy surrounding actual souls.
Satsuki had been confident that she would have the skill and direct power to take care of Mordecai's ward when the time came, but she had been less confident about having sufficient mana reserves to ensure that Mordecai could reach the surface without any issues.
So she had cheated.
None of these souls had been stolen. Instead, Satsuki had played the role of deal maker, always bargaining for souls. No one's time came early, and some lived longer, healthier lives than they might of, but the price was for their souls to belong to Satsuki until she no longer needed them. Nestling other souls inside of her spirit had increased the amount of spiritual energy drawn to her, and in turn, the amount of mana she could hold.
It was almost painful to let them go, to feel her reserves of energy deplete this way, but her core strength remained. Even Mordecai was unlikely to notice that Satsuki had less mana available now.
Cliodhna drew the souls to her and, after examining them, sent them to float above the heads of her two hounds.
Then she waited again.
It took Satsuki a moment to remember, because she desperately did not wish to remember. Her real sin. How could anyone remain entirely sane while bearing such a burden? Satsuki licked her lips nervously. "I find myself uncertain how to proceed. I had no idea what I was doing at the time, and I was desperate to make sure that no further harm came to him."
"Then, do I have your permission to retrieve this last soul?"
"Yes."
The pale lady stepped forward to rest her fingers at the hollow of Satsuki's throat, then she drew them down along Satsuki's sternum until she found the spot that she was searching for. Her fingers sank into flesh, moving past the physical, into the spiritual, and then into Satsuki's very soul.
Satsuki was paralyzed twice over. Once, for the ecstasy of the banshee's delicate, intimate touch upon Satsuki's soul. Twice, for the perfect agony that followed as Cliodhna began carefully loosening the threads and layers of Satsuki's soul to find the other one that was hidden within.
Her first lover.
She'd been a wild teenager, and seized with an impulse when she saw the handsome elf man collecting herbs in the forest. There had been no art to her seduction, just a raw, primal lust that had spilled out from her as she took him. Thought itself fled from her as she lost herself in that moment, and a semblance of rationality had reasserted itself only when she felt his memories leaking from his damaged soul into hers.
It was far too late to save his life, and all a desperate, panicked young Satsuki had managed to do was use a few of the memories and thoughts of her victim to figure out how to wrap his soul with hers, to stop it from unraveling any further.
Knowing that she'd murdered him in a fit of predatory lust had been bad enough, but she had picked up enough of his floating memories to know that there had been a window of rationality where the elf had known that she was going to kill him if he didn't stop her, but he hadn't been able to figure out how to stop her without hurting her before she'd overwhelmed him.
He was dead because he didn't want to hurt the crazy girl who had assaulted him and was working up into a frenzy that was going to kill him.
"A crude job," Cliodhna said, "but more than sufficient. You'd barely snapped a few threads, and your own soul had supplied enough essence to heal his in only a few years. But you were too terrified to ever approach someone who could tell. Three thousand years he has slept, because a scared little girl couldn't ask for help."
Satsuki felt her soul being delicately restored, though there was a slight empty sensation from where the elven soul had once been hidden.
It was done, but the banshee's hand was still buried in Satsuki's spirit, fingers lightly brushing over her soul. "Should I take yours too? To truly relieve you of all burdens of guilt, and place your existence in front of my lord and lady for them to judge?"
There was a part of Satsuki that was at peace with the idea, a desire to simply move on. She had little doubt that she'd be given the chance to reincarnate without her memories, a babe living a new life. Such a tempting offer to escape her burdens.
"Please, do not," Satsuki said. "Let me serve them at least. I may not deserve that chance, but I am not sure I deserve to escape my guilt either." She felt strangely calm about the situation. In this moment, Satsuki couldn't bring herself to struggle or protest; there was only this chance to present her preference.
"What if your chance to serve came with the price of them knowing your sin?"
The thought shot terror through Satsuki, but her answer remained the same. "Then let them judge me, and if they discard me, then let Mordecai be the one to pluck my soul out and hand it to you."
"Foolish girl, as if any of them would do such a thing if they were told the full truth and knew the sincerity of your guilt," Cliodhna said as she withdrew her hand. "Your sins are not as great as you think — you acted rashly and without thought, but you had no intention to harm, and the harm you did was, in the end, minimal. As for the others, you kept them safe, and they agreed to the bargain. It makes little difference to us if it takes a thousand years or more for them to arrive, so long as they are unharmed."
Satsuki wavered a moment as she regained her balance, pressing her hand instinctively to where Cliodhna had seemingly pierced her flesh. But there was no wound or mark, nor any damage to her clothes.
"However," Cliodhna continued, "I shall not tell them anything. That is between you and them. I simply thought that you might want some perspective, and perhaps a little insight into yourself. I will take my leave now, so that I might complete my part of this."
It had been a very long time since someone had made Satsuki feel like a child, but she was fairly certain that Cliodhna made even Gil look like a babe. The encounter had left her feeling a bit weak as well, though she was fairly certain that feeling would fade quickly.
A shadow slid along the wall of a tunnel, separate from any other motion nearby, and Satsuki briefly made out the profile of a laughing fox. Danitsa.
Oh yes, she'd almost let herself forget. Satsuki's steps firmed as her thoughts started moving once more. There was much to do. The nexus needed to grow strong enough that Satsuki could be claimed as a raid boss, and she already had some specific requests for nexus-granted abilities. Ones that would help her specialize in taking on certain challenges, ones that might otherwise be beyond her strength.
Satsuki and Danitsa might both follow Lady Mericume, but Satsuki found it entirely unacceptable to have the other vixen roaming about as she pleased like this, and Satsuki was determined to put a collar on that pretty little neck. In the mean time, she would use Danitsa to help protect Azeria; there would be other, subtler threats in the future, and Satsuki fully intended to do her best to ensure that those threats were taken care of without their majesties ever knowing about them.
She was also going to need an appropriate team. Perhaps Orchid would be willing to help train them. It was rather too bad that Dhamini was so completely enamored of Hajime; she'd have made for an excellent seductress and assassin. Though the pale beauty was naturally distracting, so perhaps she would work well in tandem with others as one part distraction, one part stealth operative, as people would be watching her without paying attention to what she was doing.
Oh, that reminded her; she'd been meaning to search through all her storage devices. Satsuki was pretty certain that she had at least one of the armors she'd won delving Mordecai's nexus so many centuries ago. She was less certain how well it compared to the ones that had been won from Dersuta recently. Certainly, Dersuta was capable of more powerful and expensive enchantments than Mordecai had been, but that was a different matter from what had been earned during the delve.
So many, many things to do, including spending a little more time with dear Deidre before she went home.
