daichanu
patreon
A small statement and a Rei Ayanami photo💙
🕑 Added 2022-07-01 02:09:14 +0000 UTCTW for sensitive and potentially triggering content💞
Please do not read If you do not want to hear it.
Mentions of su1cide and abuse
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For the past few years of my life I have been struggling heavily with suicidal/violent thoughts and tendencies. This is something I've tried my absolute hardest to hide from everyone. However, I am at a point where I feel I'm a danger to myself.
Growing up I suffered at the hands of physical, verbal, and mental abuse constantly which have ruined me completely as a person and ripped me of what was once my true self. I have suffered at the hand of abuse in every form from past romantic partners as well. I have in the past been forced to be isolated from the world and have had my life kept from me, unable to get a job, unable to have my own car, unable to get to a better situation.
Fighting this alone with several other medical disorders I prefer to keep secret has been a nightmare.
After my surgery I was in a sensitive state and thought I would value my life more after a near death experience but lately I've found myself crying every single night since, wishing I had not survived. I am struggling mentally severely to the point I don't trust myself alone anymore. I have talked with multiple doctors and I am set to see a psychiatrist to get help at the end of July.
I find that my surgery experience was mere torture due to my constant mistreatment and has worsened my mental state.
I apologize for my lack of content, but I cant bring myself to do anything anymore. I'm so incredibly unhappy, I feel selfish for all that I have been given by you guys.
I am not in a good place, nothing is fun I haven't enjoyed anything and I've become numb. I have a decent amount of free time to provide you all with content but I can't bring myself to do it I have been beaten down too many times.
I don't want to go into too much detail as my experience through life has not only been violent and upsetting but also very graphic and horrifying.
I'm doing something I should have done a long time ago, I'm going to therapy. I am getting help.
I ask of you all to please be patient with me as I try to bring myself back together and be happy again. I love you all, I love my friends and I want to be here with you all, genuinely. Thank you for supporting me, please stick with me as I repair myself. Thank you for being here up until now.
I would love to be the positive happy cosplayer you all want to see, I am working hard to climb that hill instead of giving up.
I will try my hardest to cosplay as much as I can as it is something I love to do, and I want you all to be getting the content you want.
Please wish me luck and thank you, from the bottom of my heart.💞
Comments
Thank you for everything over the past couple years 🙇🏻♀💞
Josh langford
I wish I was as half as strong as you Dai, I wouldn't be able to take half of what you have taken. Recovery is often a long road so I wish you luck 🤞. Ps there is now 150$ in the PS5 pot
Thank you for always being here for me! ヾ(T(エ)Tヽ)
DDjermm
Daicha!🥺 I understand you might not feel like it right now but you are strong as heck, so strong that you are reaching out for help and we are so proud of you for doing so. Most people don't/can't find the strength to seek help, but you did. I wish you the best of best on your path of recovery. We'll be here whenever you need us!
