Agrippa
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The Danger of Komachi Points – All Right! Fine! I Will Take You! Omake – Chapter 2
🕑 Added 2021-11-22 05:03:31 +0000 UTCThere’s a lot of cross-pollination between manga and JRPGs, for obvious reasons. Some franchises are outright adaptations, such as that one where a game famous for having Akira Toriyama’s character designs got a manga spin-off famous for almost managing to copy Akira Toriyama’s character designs (and having almost as many resurrections as Dragon Ball, which is a high bar to clear and shows the devotion of its creator to the original inspiration). Nonetheless, there are some things that mostly remain the province of JRPGs rather than anime or manga. The doomed hometown is one of those things.
Some people, more pretentious than the always humble and straightforward me, will call this the ‘call to adventure’ due to a book many RPG writers think is a how-to rather than an analysis of myths, but JRPGs don’t kid around, and we all know what this is about. If the start of the story features a bright, colorful village full of friendly people, with the protagonist’s parents being supportive of him (especially if there are hints that they may be retired heroes), the next time your character is sent on a trivial errand without which the plot won’t advance (because, apparently, the whole world has a vested interest in whether or not you’re going to bring that extra special ingredient for dinner that will become vendor trash after the second town) you can bet your life savings that, when you come back, the whole village will have been razed to the ground. Bonus points if there’s a broken toy that used to belong to a cheerful little girl with only two lines of dialog.
Extra bonus points if your life savings also burned down and thus made your bet pointless.
Anyway, that’s the not-so-subtle way the game has to tell you that: a) Things just turned serious, and, b)…
That you’d better look for a place to spend the night fast.
Which may or may not have something to do with the fact I’m standing in front of Shizu’s apartment with a suitcase filled with hastily gathered clothes.
Dad’s scary…
Still, maybe not as scary as Shizu when I tell her…
Right. Suddenly, being straightforward and honest to the point it’s almost weaponized doesn’t sound like such a good tactic.
Still…
Damn it.
It’s winter, I’ve been standing here for ten minutes, and my nose has already turned red. My face is numb enough I may not even feel the punch before she knocks me out.
So…
The doorbell of Shizu’s apartment echoes like the bells of a church with a dark, sinister secret that may have something to do with the priest and the nun with a suspiciously short habit being actually blood-related.
Zaimokuza must never know.
‘Just don’t turn it into an isekai, and the chuuni will lose interest.’
Thank you, Brain-chan; you are as reassuring as ever. Now, do you have any suggestions about how should I handle this whole thing?
“Hachi?” Shizu asks after she opens the door.
‘You’re on your own, dude.’
Ah. Right. Just as expected.
I mean, it’s not like looking at my girlfriend dressed up in a breathtaking, dark blue dress that leaves her shoulders bare and pushes her cleavage delightfully—
“Hachi?” she repeats, this time with a bit of concern. “I… I’m not late, am I?”
“You have two more hours! We haven’t even done your makeup yet!” Iroha exclaims as she comes from the living room, looking harried and with four bottles of nail polish in hand.
Oh. Great. Just what I needed. Another girl to disappoint.
“I… No, no, you aren’t late. I’m sorry, I just wanted to say this in person…” And I must have said something wrong already, because two pairs of eyes are spearing me like I’m a bridge-busting mercenary ninja (redundant as those last two words are—no, Iroha, I’m not calling them ‘freelancers’ just to make you sound cooler).
“What—” Shizu begins, and then she notices the suitcase. Some heat leaves her gaze, and she turns her eyes back to me, only Iroha remaining murderous (much better—kunais are by far easier to dodge than bullets). “What happened, brat? You got thrown out of your house?”
“Uh… Yes, that’s kind of what I need to tell you about—”
“No need to say anything,” she says. And picks up my suitcase and takes it in, Iroha’s face going from resentful to worried. “Come in.”
“I—Shizu, wait, that’s not—”
“I don’t care. You need a place to stay, and I have it. Your family drama is not the issue.”
“Oh, I think it really is…”
“Senpai, just accept our help for a change, will you? I’ll go prepare some tea.”
Oi, when did you become so used to this place you went from guest to tea-maker? That’s a serious upgrade, you know?
“No, really, if you’d just listen to me—”
“Later. We’ll listen to everything you want to tell us, but now you just sit there and rest,” Shizu declares, pointing to the two chairs set beneath the white countertop that delimitates her open kitchen. Two steps past the door.
Into Shizu’s apartment.
Where my suitcase with my only accessible possessions currently is.
Fuck.
‘So, about that whole being honest and straightforward thing…’
Shut up, Brain-chan. I blame you for this whole mess.
‘Hey! I didn’t say anything back then!’
Precisely.
***
So.
Tea.
I would say it’s good and that it shows Iroha’s feminine charms in an unsuspected light that makes me appreciate her all over again.
I would, if it were not for Shizu only buying cheap crap even the likes of Yuigahama would recognize as probably not suitable for human consumption. Mostly because of her dog whining and rolling on the floor to warn his owner of imminent danger, but still, the animal companion counts as a class feature.
Iroha is seated by my side, looking anxiously at me, and Shizu is in front of me, trying to look like she’s not looking anxiously at me. I, to slightly break up the routine, am anxiously looking for safe escape routes.
Right now, jumping off the balcony seems to be the best choice. It works for the British, doesn’t it?
I mean, if I were Czech, I’d go for the window, but I’m not even sure I can find that on a map. Their fault for not appearing on more anime.
“So… I think I may have given you the wrong idea…”
“Did they throw you out?” Shizu sharply intervenes, likely offended on my behalf.
“Well, yes, but that’s not what matters—”
“Of course it is. Don’t worry, you can stay here as long as you need to. Tomorrow I’ll call your parents and—”
“My dad caught me having sex!” I finally blurt out.
And Shizu pales as Iroha gasps.
“… What?” she says, disbelieving, as if she can’t process the syllables. But the worst is yet to come.
“With my sister,” I finally add, sealing my fate.
And Shizu and Iroha let out the breath they’d been holding.
“Should have known…” a resentful voice mutters from my side.
“Took them longer than I thought…” grumbles the one in front of me.
… What.
“I… don’t think you’ve heard what I actually said.” I hope they haven’t.
“Brat, if you wanted me to act shocked, you should have told me you’ve already finished your homework. And that it resembles what your teachers intended it to be.”
“Senpai, if you wanted me to be surprised, you should have told me that you’ve given your blessing to Saki’s younger brother to—”
“Never—”
And a hand chops my head right down the middle.
Ouch.
“Not. That. Voice.” Shizu bites out as she rubs the edge of her right hand. Apparently, my skull is thick enough it hurts to hit it. Who would have guessed.
“Seriously, trying to pull that off while you’re still in hot water? How despicable of you, Senpai. How utterly unrepentant. What a villain, a rake, a Hachiman.”
“That last one’s just my name!”
“Are you saying it doesn’t fit? What other name would you like, Senpai? There’re plenty of incestuous protagonists to choose from.”
“Gah!”
“Stop acting so dramatic, brat.”
“So dramatic?! I just—I just confessed I—”
“Did what you’d been trying not to do for years?” Iroha mercilessly keeps up her assault.
“I haven’t! The pure love between an older brother and a younger sister—”
“Did you at least wear a condom?” Shizu comments, almost disinterested.
…
“Brat? I asked you a question.” Oi, where’s that disinterest from a moment ago? I kind of miss it.
“Uh… She, kind of, maybe, rushed me into it?”
“Oh, so your little sister is responsible for it, isn’t she? How despicable of you, Senpai, to decide she should bear the guilt for your own lack of self-restraint. I suppose it’s a good thing I have Shizu here to keep you in your place so that I don’t end up with a teen pregnancy.”
You know, usually this would be the point where I would offer some kind of sarcastic remark or flush in utter embarrassment, unable to formulate a proper answer that crosses at least one of the unspoken lines of polite society and three of the spoken ones, but…
I’m picturing Iroha with a baby bump, an early pregnancy barely showing, my own seed having—
Ouch!
“Pervert…” Iroha mutters from my side, her cheeks flushed and her elbow pointedly digging between my ribs.
“Don’t give me ideas you don’t want me to think about, unreasonable woman.”
“I don’t want to hear about reason from the sister-breeder.”
“I came outside!”
“That’s far too much detail!”
*ring ring*
“Uh?”
I look at both Shizu and Iroha, who look at me like I’m scum, an idiot, and idiotic scum. Then Shizu sighs, gets up, and goes to open the door.
When she does, a cheerful, fangy grin greets her.
“Hi! I was wondering if you’ve found a stray brother I lost today. He’s about this high, has gross eyes, and has likely already said far too many things he shouldn’t have.”
…
‘Don’t even ask. I’m not ready to process this.’
***
So…
I’m still sitting in Shizu’s kitchen. Iroha’s still at my side, glaring at me.
Shizu’s still in front of me. Glaring at me.
And Komachi is by her side, beaming at me.
One of those things is not like the others.
“I… How did you even manage to leave the house? Didn’t Dad lock you in your room?”
“Oh, that was easy: I just ran away.”
“… You did what?”
“What else is a rebellious teenage girl supposed to do after her parents forbid her from seeing her lover?”
It’s a good thing the tea’s so bad: the likelihood of me drinking enough of it at a time to shockingly spit it is vanishingly low.
On the other hand, I just lost a golden opportunity to do just that and thus avoid drinking more of it.
Shizu, on the other hand, by dint of her immunity to poison effects (she must be a Steel type—maybe a rule 63 Lucario?) has just soaked my whole face with the vile concoction.
So unoriginal. Too many years reading the same mangas, I guess: she can’t help but absorb the cliches.
“Your brother, you mean,” Iroha says, her voice as placid as a typhoon.
“Why not both?” Oi, Komachi, maybe this isn’t the best time to show off your cultured upbringing.
“If I have to make a list, we’ll be here till tomorrow,” Shizu mutters, rubbing her temples in a gesture I’ve seen (and caused) plenty of times.
“Oh, that’s perfect. Just what I wanted to ask you!” Komachi’s smile turns from me to the woman at her side.
“What?” Shizu, speaking for all of us, says.
“Well, I figured as fellow brides-to-be—”
“As fellow what?!”
“Brother and I can’t go public with this, so you can be the official one if you want to wear the dress so badly, but I figure, in private we can—”
“Wear… the dress?” Shizu. No. No, Shizu. That’s not the important part about this whole thing. Stop blushing, Shizu. Stop being so cute, Shizu. Stop making me want to rush to the family registry, Shizu.
Also, you wouldn’t want to become a widow so soon, would you?
“Oi, homewrecker, no playing with my teacher’s heart like this,” Iroha says in… Is she imitating me? Is this some part of the kunoichi infiltration training?
“Oh, forgive me. Iroha, right? The one who gets hot and bothered while watching my gross brother’s cock being sucked on by his girlfriend, right? The one who more or less forced her way into their relationship?”
Iroha’s gaze seems murderous. Curiously enough, it’s not directed at the girl sitting across from her who just tore into her with savage glee and a cheerful façade.
“Senpai… Just how much have you told your sister about me?”
“Uh… I… She… I was so happy about it that I needed to brag?”
“That doesn’t sound very convincing, brother. Especially after I had to force you to spit their names with emotional blackmail.”
“I wanted to protect their privacy!”
“And yet, you come here to tell them right away after taking my first time? Ah, how cruel! How uncaring of your little sister’s feelings!”
“Right, Senpai, don’t you know a gentleman never kisses and tells?”
“Just whose side are you on!”
“The one that can keep helping you dig your grave. It’s the mission of the student’s council president to assist her fellow students in realizing their goals.”
“My goal is not to die young!”
“Could’ve fooled me,” three female voices chorus.
…
Right, I may see where they’re coming from.
‘At least you’ve seen all three of them coming. Eh? Eh?’
Brain-chan, that was utterly inappropriate, puerile, and, seeing as one of them is my sister, gross. Thus illustrating perfectly what they are talking about. Well done.
‘Nice to feel acknowledged. Also, you should maybe take into account that Shizu’s still wiggling in her seat after that whole “wearing the dress” thing. Just a heads up.”
Gods damn it.
“Look, I understand this is very stressful for all involved parties, but I really just wanted to confess and go to a hotel—”
“No fucking way.”
“Uh, Shizu? I think my buttons are straining. I don’t have that many clothes at the moment, so I would appreciate it if you didn’t tear my shirt apart. Or me, for that matter.”
The glare fixed on me barely distracts me from the fist slowly depriving me of air. Ah, a psychological assault combined with the physical one, such a splendid technique. Iroha, you should take notes.
Rather than nodding in approval, I mean.
“I don’t see too many options?” I try to continue as if her silent glaring was her contribution to the dialog.
“I told you to stay here.” Ah. I think I preferred the silent glaring to that tone.
“… Before you knew I cheated on you. Kinda thought you wouldn’t want to see me for a while after that.”
And her fist drags me across the counter until our noses are almost touching.
“Is that what you’re going to do? Run away?”
“… I don’t want to hurt you.”
And her eyes narrow. Because that’s the worst thing I could’ve said after hurting her.
But… It’s one thing to fight for another person when you want them to be happy, and it’s another to do it because youwant to be happy, and fighting for Shizu in this situation, after I—
Her lips are soft.
And Komachi is mashing our faces together.
“Do you always do whatever you please?” Iroha asks, throwing her hands in the air with open disgust.
“Shouldn’t you be recording this?” Komachi replies.
And Shizu moans, her lips still pressed to mine.
I… May not be fighting that much to get out of Komachi’s grip.
And Shizu surely isn’t, given she has about double her muscle-weight—I mean, that she’s in much better shape.
Yes. That’s a far safer thought.
“For fuck’s sake…” Iroha grumbles.
And then slender fingers grab my hair and pull me off Shizu’s lips and Komachi’s grasp.
And right into Iroha’s kiss.
She’s demanding, her tongue rushing in before I can even think to protest, and she does it so forcefully that I end up not thinking it—or anything else. Before I know how or why, she’s straddled me, her arms around my neck, her hips over mine, and only after I make a few strangled sounds does she deign to pull away.
“You sounded so cool when we talked this morning, Senpai. Talking about how everything we did had to take Shizu into account, how she was your priority… But you know, until a few seconds ago, I was the only girl in this room you hadn’t kissed, and you planned on making me wait until you talked about it with Shizu. How uncool, how unfair is that, Senpai?”
“A lot?”
“You’re fucking right it’s ‘a lot.’”
“Uh, Iroha, I’m sorry, I really am, but when we had that talk, I wasn’t planning on fucking my sister.”
“My brother’s so spontaneous,” Komachi says with a dreamy voice. A fake dreamy voice.
Oi, sister of mine, are you trying to get your brother killed? Is this it? An elaborate revenge plot for the psychological damage I inflicted on you the other night? Because if that’s it, you’re being utterly unfair: you’re the one who kept asking, ergo, the damage was self-inflicted. You can’t blame someone for your own choices, much as you can’t blame me for your choice to push the button of another man taking your virginity if I didn’t do it.
Tee-hee?
‘Dude… no.’
Sorry. I had to try.
“Right. Anybody else wants to make out with my boyfriend or brag about him to me?” Shizu asks with a tone of voice that may as well say, ‘Who else wants a knuckle sandwich?’ Except that she would say something far suaver and likely not related to possibly fattening foods.
“Are you sure you still want him as your boyfriend?” Komachi. Why. What did I ever do to you asides from everything I’ve done to you?
“Look, brat, people sometimes do stupid things, and when a relationship’s new—”
“No, I mean that I thought you liked the idea of ‘fiancé.’”
Aaand Shizu’s blush just went Fukushima.
I just hope there’s slightly less collateral damage.
“Wha—Why—I—Don’t—”
“I mean, you’ll still need to wait a year until he’s legal, but it shouldn’t be much of a problem. He needs to finish high school, after all.”
“But, he, I mean, I don’t, and even—”
“And that just means we will have more time to plan the wedding! Really, I will be so relieved to see him taken by a reliable woman… I always feared no one would take pity on my poor, helpless, gross older brother, but you’re so generous, Miss Hiratsuka!”
“I’m not—I mean, if he, but then I, and—”
“Ah, right, what am I saying? We are practically family already! So I should call you Shizuka. No, maybe Shizu? Oh, even better: Ms. Hikigaya!”
And Shizu faints.
I thought this only happened in the movies?
And Iroha, stop looking so impressed. No, Iroha, I don’t want two of my lovers competing over who can better break the third one. That way lies madness and mind break.
Also, speaking of mind break, Haruno better not hear about this.
Comments
Agrippa
Years of learning how to play Hachiman like a fiddle have trained her well. Shizu's basically easy mode by comparison.
aj0413
Damn. Komachi basically speedrunning to the finish line she wants; that girl is gooooood
