Kernoel77
patreon
Chapter 89: Care for a Walk?
🕑 Added 2023-04-10 10:05:06 +0000 UTCChapter 89: Care for a Walk?
/It is cruel to be betrayed by ones own feelings. My love for my wife burned so bright I could not see when she went astray, how she lost her interest. Perhaps, if I had not been blinded by my love, she would still be with us.
Alas, she is not, and her story is mine to tell another time. For this once, I wish to indulge in my own thoughts.
When she disappeared, my world crumbled for a while. No, that is not right, it wasn't for a while, it simply crumbled, all crashing down and shattering. Time seemed to pass endlessly slowly, as every morning getting out of the bed was a task greater than what even the best man could accomplish. To care for someone so much you lost them, and then live through that loss all over as your burning love for them now burns you... it is a miserable experience.
If I were to be allowed a word with my younger self, perhaps it would be to watch less and see more, to simply pay attention and speak if something seems the matter. To not let my love bury herself before I can do anything about it, even if only for my selfish reasons.
I was betrayed by my own love, my own feelings after all. And the moments I think back to those torturous days are still the most difficult of my life. But I move on, and perhaps, if I may give words of warning to everyone else, sometimes it is better to take a moment and think things through. To not only indulge, but also to make sure those feelings may last, and to never give up in front of even a task that may seem impossible at the moment.
Sometimes, it's the little things one achieves that one can already be proud of./
A letter by Sabrina Livovitch, found on the gravestone of her wife, and later on published within a story about her in The Daily.
- - - - - -
After a couple minutes of walking, Mercury found a suitable spot to set up camp. He placed down his log, already stuffed with his special blanket, and lined with runes by now, and took out his backpack of ammunition. The stones had served him well, and quite frankly, he wanted to check them for problems.
Most of them were perfectly fine, luckily. The runes in them were pulsating with power, and their edges were still decently sharp, but some of the ones he had missed before, or that had impacted bone beneath the skin, had started to chip. For some time, Mercury sharpened those ones again, making them a little thinner and pointier, almost dart like.
By now, his claws were much harder than they used to. He still couldn't cut through stone easily at all, and without mana it wouldn't even be possible, but as long as he reinforced his best natural weapons, things worked out just fine. At least with all that, he could shave away at the rocks, and get them into a much more suitable shape.
Once he was satisfied with his weaponry, dusk had already rolled around, but Mercury was still quite filled with energy. So, to prepare for his time of being self-sufficient, he decided to read up on runes some more. He had kept the guide, obviously, and it still had runes for him to learn. Some of it he already used, the piercing runes for example. Those worked better than sharpness on his rocks, since those pierced, rather than cut.
Still, there was much more in there, and while a lot of it he couldn't quite make sense of, some might be useful. Flipping through the pages, there were three more runes in there. The first was friction, which made an object harder to move. No by making it harder, just by increasing the amount it clung onto other things, a little like mortar. It didn't work very well against being lifted though, since air friction was still low.
Next up was polarity, which apparently turned something magnetic. That would be incredible, probably, if the attraction weren't extremely weak, and if Mercury knew what all magnetism could actually be used for. Sadly, he only knew a little, and didn't quite understand how the advanced applications worked. Induction heating via fast changing of the polarity of a magnetic field, for example. The fuck does that mean?
Plus, he didn't even have magnets, so no matter what the system told him, this one would have to stay put.
Lastly, there was what Jurika, the author, called impregnate. Get your mind out of the gutter, it repels water, you idiots. Just generally made the substance harder to cling to for nature.
Of course, if just reading about the runes were enough, Mercury wouldn't have bothered waiting for so long. Well, maybe he still would've, the runes just frankly didn't seem very useful up until now, but he at least wanted to know them just in case they eventually came in handy. And to know them, he wanted to make sure they were saved in his rune tab. To save them in his rune tab, well, there was nothing he could do but carve them.
Not long after, there were a couple mysteriously missing pieces of bark around Mercury's new home. Of course, the first rune he attempted was impregnate. It was the only one he could imagine using for now, thinking it might make a nice addition to his log. Being able to weather the elements was absolutely vital for a proper home, after all!
[Successfully carved mid 1st grade Impregnate rune. Get: 30 Exp.]
How he had missed those beautiful, beautiful notifications. Maybe those were why he found runecarving so addictive.
Some time later, Mercury had managed to get the system to jot them all down in the runes tab. Can we also get that one open for narration purposes? Absolutely.
[Runes: Sharpness, Reinforce, Piercing, Repel, Impregnate, Friction, Polarity.]
Honestly, this sure as hell made it much clearer why in martial arts novels people need to isolate to practice. In the forest, what was gonna interrupt him? Some fucking rabbit? Nah, he was fine. But when living with other people, they might barge into your room or need something, so it was much easier focusing in the forest.
Still, after getting all of the runes done, the sun was already almost in the sky again. Mercury decided to try and catch some sleep, but when he laid down and closed his eyes, he soon found he couldn't. With nothing to distract him, his mind started slowly moving again.
He felt lonely. Very, very lonely, and also felt forgotten. Maybe it was the atmosphere, the morning sun barely on the horizon, with fog still clinging onto the ground, and chilly night air making the breath freeze in front of you. Then again, as Mercury continued spinning his thoughts, was it just chilly air?
When his mind fixated on it, the cold felt almost frigid, like the grasp of winter reaching out to find a hold in the land. Mercury shivered in his log, even wrapped with blankets, and he began to feel panic brewing within himself. Perhaps this was it. Perhaps this was the night he would be forgotten by the world, the night after which the companions he had only found recently would never see him again.
Mercury sighed as he followed his own trail of thoughts. He knew it was irrational to a degree. It was stupid, but he couldn't change the way he felt, and he didn't really know a way to simply get rid of his thoughts.
So, instead of sleeping, Mercury decided to try something else. Maybe going on a walk would clear his head.
The cat took a step out from his log, and he could feel the air biting at his skin, piercing through it and slowly chewing through his muscles. It was cold enough to sting, almost enough to hurt, but it did make his thoughts stick to reality some more. He was unsure if this was considered a form of self-harm, but he dismissed it quickly. After all, it probably was in some tiny way, and given his current state of mind, he knew that thinking it through would only make him more sad.
Instead, he tried to focus on where the cold was coming from, holding his snout in the air to try and see where the wind was coming from. Surprisingly, there seemed to actually be a direction, some place that might be the reason for this weird sensation, and when he casually breathed in some of it, there was an immediate reaction.
His skin felt lit aflame the moment he took even a slight huff of it, and Mercury let out a hoarse gasp as his legs gave out. It felt like someone had shot brimstone and hellfire right through his nostrils into his lungs, burning and freezing them at the same time, and yet a moment later, that feeling was gone, and there was something else.
For a moment, Mercury was confused. He couldn't pinpoint the strange feeling he had after the pain had passed. It had only been moments, a span of time that now felt like a fleeting memory, yet when he got back up from the ground, he felt as though it had been minutes at least. And there was something else, too, a deeply familiar feeling that stuck to his heart, a kind of... belonging, in a way.
That feeling seemed to tug at him, pulling on his skin that should have been numbed by the cold, yet the frigidness was beaten back by that pull in his heart. Every breath was suddenly fulfilling, like he had found its purpose, and then finally, as he thought it over again, he understood.
It was ihn'ar. The world had been unfamiliar, because there were things in it he had not seen before, the air filled with the breaths of a thousand things, the plants beneath his feet singing as they absorbed light, the frost glittering with every colour and yet more as the first rays of sunshine broke on them. He felt belonging, because he did belong. He was part of this, and as he watched every single piece move beautifully, Mercury smiled.
And a moment later, the smile seemed to fade into curiosity. This ihn'ar felt different. Perhaps because he wasn't using it for combat, but to meditate, to calm his thoughts. Still, that surely couldn't be all, no. This time he also saw so much more, the colours, the things, he saw so much, and he could finally see why Uunrahzil had recommended <Breath> as an entrance. Not like he could understand all the things around him just from seeing them once, but at least he could see them finally.
But then, there was the chill again, still seeping into his body, and the moment he thought of that, all his sensations became much more close. The cold, the numbness, the hints of pain in the tips of his nose, the heaviness of his legs and the warmth seeping out of him into the frigid air that seemed to claw at anything living. Mercury hesitated for a moment, but after only a moment, he understood it as well as before. There was no way he wouldn't take a look, because it was who he was. Curious.
Soon, the cat began a new walk, towards a place that felt far away and yet close. His mana had unconsciously spread out a bit, feeling the things he wanted to see, as his curiosity literally spilled out from him. He could feel how his stamina moved without being commanded, reinforcing him and warming his muscles, even as the cold gnawed at his bones. He was moving as if possessed, drawn by a purpose that was only his wants, always stepping forward a little further.
The ice was unrelenting though, and after only a few minutes, he could hear fewer sounds of wildlife. No longer did the song of cicadas hum through the air, and when looking at the floor, the plants were also quiet. And yet, the noise itself hadn't lessened.
Instead of leaves rattling as critters walked, he could hear the ice cracking as it expanded and contracted around whatever it clung to. The crystals crunching when he stepped onto them, sometimes snapping the hems of brittle grasses below his feet. Sometimes, he heard a shattering noise, when a droplet of water froze right from the air and fell to the floor, smashing against others of its kind before it melted on the earth.
Soon, that shattering noise was replaced with a soft crunching instead, as those tiny snowflakes began to lay on top of each other, the cold now gripping the area hard enough for Mercury to feel the saliva on his tongue freeze when extending it from his mouth. And still, the noise was so impeccably beautiful he could not stop himself from moving. Like a siren song calling out to sailors who seek beauty, the chill in the area screamed for attention, creating noise that felt like it was made only to make Mercury pay attention.
Still later, the snow was cold enough to grow soft, his paws numb as he took step after step. He kept himself from freezing using the mana that no longer spread out from him, simply coursing through his veins and burning up as it turned into heat. His stamina did the same, yet he couldn't even begin to understand how it did so.
Mercury shook his head, turning his attention outside again. This song was one he would not hear for much longer, he knew that much instinctively, understood it even perhaps. It was as though he had found one piece to the puzzle of ice, a piece named impermanence, a piece he did not want to let go of, and as he had that very thought, it slipped through his fingers again, like grains of sand.
He could no longer grasp impermanence, yet his breath still held steadfast, even in the cold. The air entering his lungs was coarse and icy, but it was still air, and Mercury still breathed as he continued his walk, clearing his thoughts more than he could have ever hoped for.
And then, he arrived.
There was nothing grand there, yet Mercury recognized it was the origin almost immediately. The fog there was thick, a mix of mist and snow, obscuring his vision as all he could see was a stone wall, perhaps as tall as a human waist laid high. There was no gate, no grandeur, only a gap in it, barely wide enough for an ordinary person to pass, and not showing even a shred of hesitation, Mercury stepped through it.
The sounds grew quiet the moment he did. They weren't gone, no, and in the quiet he could especially hear his own body sing, but the ice and snow that had sparkled and sang to him before now laid still, only a thin layer of it on the floor. There was no longer a storm, no more wind in the air, simply a light fog, enough to see a couple dozen metres, yet obscure that which laid further beyond.
What remained on the floor was only a carpet of white powder. Mercury knew it was snow, as it sang the same notes as the other did before, yet its voice was also different. The light broke off it in another manner, sparkling in colours more mat, and when he stepped it was neither warm nor cold. It didn't crunch when he touched it, nor did it melt, simply moved, like a soft sand that dared not whisper.
Behind the entrance he had just passed, he could see nothing, a wall of snowflakes obscuring the area, a curtain of ice. Instead, there was a path forward. A small one, a trample path of dirt and gravel, one that led further in, past the small mounds of white grain that laid besides it. That path called out to Mercury again, asking him to fulfil its purpose once more, to be tread upon and bring someone to their destination with more ease.
Mercury obliged. The request was asked so gently, more like a hand reaching out to lead him, softly asking if it could help him, the desire to give help shrouded behind a kind voice. For a few more steps he travelled, until there was another entrance, two beds of flowers to the sides of the path. They were roses, or at least they looked like them, and yet drained of colour. Their song was quiet, a whisper of better times in past and future, and as Mercury stopped to listen, he could feel a tear rolling down his face as memories resurfaced.
Yet he only indulged a moment. His thoughts may disrupt his ihn'ar, and soon they were gone again, as he instead opened himself up to what was around him. Past the gate of flowers, there was a more open area, the small paths intertwining as he saw what laid beneath them. They were graves. All of them decorated with flowers, stones, and some even with candles, though their light didn't pierce the fog, almost as if they were too respectful to reach over to another tomb.
Yes, that's what it felt like, as though every marker was it's own little place. Quiet, somber, and respectful of everything around it, their singing barely a whisper. For a little while, Mercury walked, his heartbeat ringing out louder than his footsteps, as he could feel himself becoming quieter by the moment. He stopped by many of the markers, unable to read what any of the stones said, yet able to appreciate the way they looked.
None were grander than another, none were lesser either. All of them were shown equal amounts of love and dedication, taken care of as to the song of the stones came that of wilted flowers and long since lost love. The candles gave light, the earth beneath gave space for the songs to exist, and the flowers simply hummed along.
Step by step Mercury went along, looking at each of them for a long while, and indulging in their sweet melodies, none alike, but none so different as to break the stillness. This was a sombre place, and Mercury dared not disturb it.
"Paying your respects, traveller?" a voice sounded out behind him a moment later, not having been announced by footsteps or breathing, a voice that Mercury understood cared deeply.
"I hope I am," he almost whispered back, scared of scaring away the quiet he had finally caught a grasp of.
"It is intention that matters," the voice answered slowly. "You seem respectful, that is all it takes."
Mercury nodded, and then slowly looked over at his companion, a tall woman dressed in black and grey, with dark skin and short, slightly curled hair, upon which a wide hat laid. Her dark eyes were surrounded by lines of sadness and laughter, the furrows of time dug deep, yet she was also ageless.
"Do you take care of this place?" he asked.
"I do," the woman nodded. "You may call me the caretaker, traveller. Would you care to walk with me?"
