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Scrapped Port Forward script
🕑 Added 2021-05-23 18:22:16 +0000 UTCHey all! Ben here with an update as we get kinda close to the big Port Forward update launch next month.
I thought I'd do something a bit different and share one of the scripts I wrote.
It was originally written sometime in 2019 or earlier, but after the whole Jan 6, 2021 thing in the U.S. I felt the theme might give off some weird vibes for folks experiencing it all in a context that it wasn't written in. I didn't want folks thinking I was riffing on those events or themes in any way, so I rewrote all of Port Forward from scratch. It might have been an overreaction but it was no biggie to write something new (plus it got us to take things in a fun new direction with a bunch of minigames!).
That said, I think with the above added context, I can share the original script with you all so it doesn't go totally to waste. I think there are some funny bits in here!
Arrival
[You arrive via hot air balloon, Plunt intercepts you]
Plunt: For too long, the invader tyrant Prince Pimplepomp has subjugated Port Forward! But today we rise up to exile him back to Port Backward!
Plunt: Have you come here to assist us in throwing off the yoke of oppression??
Player: I'm actually just here to turn the Oobnet tower back on...
Plunt: Then you, too, are a victim of the Prince's tyranny! Our Oobnet tower was deactivated when Prince Pimplepomp repurposed it as his own personal mini-castle.
Plunt: You see, a few years ago, the royal family of Port Backward decided they didn't want him stinking up their town anymore, so they expelled him here, to Port Forward.
Plunt: When he got here, he started bossing everyone around and nobody bothered standing up to him, so now we have a monarchy...
Plunt: But... If you help us overthrow him, we can reclaim Port Forward—and the Oobnet tower—for the people!
Player: All right, sure. I've got nothing better to do. How do we overthrow him?
Plunt: With the most powerful political tool at our disposal... A petition!
Plunt: Help me get just another 5 signatures from the townsfolk of Port Forward and we can present the petition to the Prince. He'll have no choice but to abdicate!
Player: I don't see how that will work but ok.
Plunt: Huzzah!
[on return while unfinished]
Plunt: Once we fill the petition, we'll surely have our freedom!
[2nd return while unfinished]
Plunt: Trouble getting those signatures?
Plunt: Port Forwarders are a famously apathetic bunch. You can see how we got into this mess in the first place.
[3rd return while unfinished]
Plunt: The winds of change are blowing our way! There's revolution in the air!
Prudi
Player: Hey, just wondering, do you want overthrow Prince Pimplepomp?
Prudi: That dastardly tyrant Pimplepomp? Of course! He must be stopped at once.
Player: Sounds good. Can you sign this petition to dethrone him, then?
Prudi: Ah, so that's the rub. I'm actually pretty busy, you know?
Player: It will literally take you 2 seconds to just sign this.
Prudi: Tell you what: I was just on my way to dance practice. If you can give my ooblets a lesson instead, I'll be able to save some gummies and have time to sign your thingy.
Player option 1: Okay let's dance
On win: Prudi: Fine, fine. Pretty good lesson. I guess you can have your signature. Independence it is, then!
On lose: Prudi: I don't think we learned anything from that! Come back when you can teach us a thing about dancing and I'll give you your signature.
On return after win: Prudi: I did my part!
Player option 2: Not right now
On return: Prudi: Still want that signature? I'll still trade you it for a dance lesson!
Parfette
Player: Are you looking for independence from Prince Pimplepomp? Will you sign this petition to oust him?
Parfette: Hmm, yes… independence… sounds reasonable…
Parfette: But I’m an unreasonable man! I’ll only sign if you defeat me in a dance off!
Player: Seriously? This is for your independence…
Parfette: I’m not interested in politics beyond idle hand-wringing.
Parfette: Anyway, are we going to dance or what?
Player option 1: Okay let's dance
On win: Parfette: Best of luck to you random petition person. I hope this signature serves you well.
On lose: Parfette: How are you supposed to overthrow a government when you can't even win a dance off? Come back for a rematch when you're ready for political change!
On return after win: Parfette: History rewards those who are a pain in the bumbum.
Player option 2: Not right now
On return: Parfette: Are we going to dance or what? It’s the only way you’ll get that signature out of me!
Plubbard
Player: Would you sign this petition to remove Prince Pimplepomp from power?
Plubbard: Like I told Plunt, I'd love to help... but I make my living by digging through Pimplepomp's trash and reselling it.
Player: Isn't that illegal? And disgusting?
Plubbard: Sure is... Tell you what: If you get me 150 nurnies to resell, I'll have enough to get by without Pimplepomp and I'll sign your petition.
Player option 1: Okay, deal.
On return: Plubbard: Didja get me those 150 nurnies?
Player option 1: Yup!
Plubbard: Wonderful! A deal’s a deal. Here’s my signature for your petition.
Plubbard: I'm through with the trash life... or am I?
Player: Okay.
Player option 2: Not yet
Plubbard: Let me know when you do. I want out of the trash game.
Purgo
Purgo: I’ve seen you going around town bugging everyone for their signatures…
Purgo: So let’s skip the niceties and get down to brass buns— I’ll sign your whatsit if you can beat me in an ooblets dance battle!
Player: It’s actually for your—
Purgo: I don’t care! I’ll sign your birthday card, medical leave form, or even power of attorney without question if you can just satisfy my need to DANCE!
Player: You people are goofed up
Purgo: Goofed up for dance! Are you in or outies?
Player option 1: Fine, let's dance
On win: Purgo: Okay you big belly button burp, you've earned my signature fair and eclair. Have fun on your field trip or whatever it was!
On lose: Purgo: That was entirely unsatisfying and I'm withholding my scrumptious signature until you can put up more of an effort!
On return after win: Purgo: You're the bingo chip belcher who beat me in a dance off!
Player option 2: Not just yet
On return: Purgo: Ready to dance for my signature yet ya big bag o' bingo chips??
Peet
Player: Think you could sign this petition to declare independence from Prince whatshisname?
Peet: Will signing my name trap my soul inside your pen for all eternity? I read somewhere about that being a thing.
Player: I think it's just a normal petition...
Peet: Okay, I'll sign, but just remember that I don't consent to my soul being trapped inside your pen for eternity.
On return: Peet: My tummy kinda hurts. Are you sure you didn't steal my soul?
Boss
[If you try to go in door of Oobnet tower before getting all signatures]
UI: You haven't got all the signatures for the petition yet!
[After getting all the signatures, Plunt intercepts you]
Plunt: Did you get all the signatures?
Player: I guess so!
Plunt: Incredible! All we need to do now is march down to the Prince's castle and present the petition to earn our freedom!
Plunt: Whenever you're ready, we can commence this historic act!
[Player now is free to do anything, including going back home. Plunt follows player while in Port Forward (although maybe not into shops)]
[On interacting with Plunt as he follows you]
Plunt: We can head over to the Port Forward oobnet tower to confront Pimplepomp whenever you're ready!
[On interacting with the Oobnet tower door]
Plunt: Listen here, Pimplepomp! We've got a petition demanding you abdicate your rule over Port Forward. It's all over!
Pimplepomp: What's all this? Let me see.
Pimplepomp: Hmm... Yep. This is meaningless. Why would you think I'd care about a petition?
Plunt: I mean... It's the only political tool we have... How else are we supposed to enact political change?
Pimplepomp: You should maybe try being born into royalty. That's always worked for me.
Pimplepomp: What's funny is that I was actually just planning on leaving Port Forward! The yacht racing scene here is atrocious, you see.
Pimplepomp: But now that you proles have stepped out of line and demanded I leave, I feel it's my duty to obstruct you.
Pimplepomp: Dashing the hopes of the unwashed masses is the finest luxury the nobility can enjoy.
Pimplepomp: But I'm also sporting, so how about... I leave this backwater barge as intended, but only if you can find a champion who will beat me in an ooblet dance off?
Player: I should have guessed it would come down to this.
Plunt: Goshzooky! [PLAYERNAME], do you think you could beat him for us?? The fate of Port Forward is on your shoulders!
Player option 1: Let's do it
On win: Pimplepomp: Oh, did I lose? I wasn't paying attention. My ooblets probably took pity on you.
Pimplepomp: But anyway, you can have your independence I suppose. I'm off to my megachalet where I can be free from the myriad of questionable smells around here.
Pimplepomp: I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding someone else to subjugate you all. Ta-ta.
Plunt: Golly whiz!! Freedom, finally!
Plunt: On this momentous occasion, let us remember the many sacrifices—particularly my own—that were made. Also, your help near the end is appreciated.
Player: Sacrifices?
Plunt: Well I mean I had to supply the pen and paper for the petition you know… But fear not, there’s enough glory to go around.
Player: Okay. I'm going to turn the oobnet tower back on.
Plunt: Sure, sure. I've gotta get started writing a new constitution... and edicts! Everyone loves edicts.
On lose: Pimplepomp: I suppose that result was to be expected. If you care to embarrass yourself again in the future, I suggest bringing more competent ooblets.
Player option 2: Not just yet
On return: Pimplepomp: Is baby back to try to win fweedom for the poor little stinky townfolk?
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That's it! I'd love to hear what you think of it. Even though this has all ended in the scrap heap, I think the new concepts we came up with for Port Forward will be worth it, and I can't wait for you to see them all!
Comments
Ashlie
"A famously apathetic bunch" 💀 Some of this definitely feels on the nose lol so I can see why it got scrapped, haha! But I can't deny it's a great commentary on political attitudes lol "I can't do more than hand wringing" Thanks for sharing, this was fun nonetheless! I'm excited to see what Port Forward holds for us now!
This was so fun to read! I understand why you guys scrapped it and I can't wait to see what you put in the game instead. Thanks for sharing this with us 😊
