fantakoi
patreon
something personal
🕑 Added 2019-04-17 20:48:28 +0000 UTCthe past few days have been really hard for me and i still haven't really realized what happened. my bunny Luna fell sick on Saturday and passed away on Monday, and it was a horrible weekend. you don't need to read the full thing. just want to tell you that i might not be able to update this month, or if, then it will be pretty short! please don't expect me to be around too much the next days (especially Discord) ;; i will definitely work on pages because i noticed how comforting it is to get back to the boys and only think about them. they help me to cope with everything. but i need to keep a bit to myself for now. i will need a while until i get over it.
the photos above are some of my favorites of her, and the sketch is from 2017 and i found it while i looked through photos, too. Luna was the absolute cutest baby, very active and loved adventures, always found new weird games to play and new weird places to sit and to hide in my room. and i love her with all my heart
-----
following bit contains: tw animal death / sickness
on Saturday when i went to give my bunnies something to eat i noticed that Luna wouldn't come running to get food. when i looked for her i found her with her head in an extremely weird angle, head tilted, eyes wide open, she made very weird movements with her head, from side to side. i immediately knew that something is wrong and panicked, but i called the vet, Emergency, because every vet was already closed. 10 minutes later i was with her at the vet. just lifting her into the box and seeing her roll into the blanket without any coordination broke my heart.
he checked her and told me she has e. cuniculi. i won't explain what this is, but most rabbits have it already in their bodies and it's just dormant. the symptoms are horrible and i've never witnessed something like this and i didn't know that a healthy rabbit can just... get like this all of a sudden, and that it can break out in just a few hours. he treated her and told me that sometimes they have a chance to survive and even get healthy again, and because i acted quickly we should try. so i took her home and tried.
i fed her with my fingers and tried to keep her hydrated every hour, i didn't sleep at all for the whole weekend. maybe you know that already, but bunnies need to constantly eat and need access to food or they will die extremely fast. so i stayed with her on the floor and even my bathroom breaks were just rushed and i tried to get back to her asap. she just rolled around uncontrolled and then laid on her side for a bit, couldn't walk or only in circles. when i held her and gave her support, she could sleep a little sometimes with her head in my hand. i don't know- i won't ever get those images out of my head.
on Sunday she got treated again and he said it's gotten worse, and that it's a bad case, but we shouldn't give up yet, because after two days it can't be said yet. i was ready to try for 2 or 3 weeks... which is the usual time for a bunny to maybe get healthy again from this thing. she would've stayed a special needs bunny but i was ready for it, and so i tried. but on Sunday night to Monday she wouldn't eat anymore and wouldn't accept something to drink, and i just knew she was tired. she was mopey and pushed my hand away, but then searched for me again and licked my hand for comfort. a lot of times... and after some hours she began to drink and eat again... my hope went up and down so often over the weekend, i was like.. really really hopeful, but whenever i looked into her eyes and into her small face i felt so incredibly sorry for her and i hoped so much that it wasn't too painful for her. and i thought maybe it would be better if i could release her from it
so Monday came, and i took her to the vet again and after i showed him videos of the night... we both knew it was better to let her go. we didn't even talk much. i just said "please" and started crying again, and he put his hand above his heart, he felt so sorry and he was so sweet and i'm so grateful that the was so gentle - i won't forget this either. he put her on my lap into the blanket and left us alone and i held her until she fell asleep. i just didn't want her to be alone through it all, and i'm glad i could at least be there for her until the very last moment.
this was the second time a bunny died in my arms in the span of a few years and i just.. i'm incredibly sad and exhausted ;; but i know i tried everything i could. and it is over for her now and she's not hurting anymore.
and because this whole comic is very extremely personal... i think the more you know about me, the more you will notice these things in the comic. like this part where Noah and Robin talk about Robin's thoughts, i wrote this part as a parallel for nature spirits / places. but also as comfort for myself (the bunny pictured in Robin's hands is Leeloo. she died in 2013, she was 2 years old, and she was the reason why i adopted Luna a few weeks later)
"you have to let go" is the hardest part, but you really have to, at one point.
through all of this, my other bunny Mickey - an almost 9 year old bunny grandpa - didn't get in contact with her. it was dangerous for both of them because of her rolling around so much, and i wanted to wait until the third day is over to see if i want to put them back together, and i'm glad i didn't. Mickey now has a completely different area for himself, he has new food bowls, and a new small house, everything new. i just had to get rid of everything else the past two days, rearranged things, went to buy new ones, and so on. now it's him and me in my room, and i'm glad he's still here. i will love him extra hard now if he wants to or not and i check on him as often as i can and play together π currently he's relaxing and looking pretty content and he even did some binkies when he got treats earlier which is a very very good sign and i'm glad (a bunny binky is a jump or a small dance in the air when bunnies can't contain happiness, it's super cute)
... ; ; patreon is a bit like my diary, but i kinda had to write it all down. and i want you to know what's happening, even though i'm always pretty private on other social media. thank you for being there, and please take care π i really love you
Comments
So sorry for your loss, sending you positive thoughts and compassion at this tough time!
Dusty Parrish
I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you. Take all the time you need, we'll still be here when you're ready. β‘
What a sweet bunny. My heart goes out to you.
Cooper
My rabbit passed away recently too. really sucks dude. take your time <3
I'm sorry gor your loss
Emily Royer
I'm so sorry for your loss, take the time you need to heal. We will all be here for you when you're ready.
A.R.Walker_Art
I am so, so, SO sorry, Fanta.... Been there, though it was a puppy with parvo... I'm usually the strongest of my family, so when she passed, they looked to me to take care of her remains and I just remember crying by myself the entire time. I, like most of your fans, completely understand. Maybe even take a little longer. Grieving is important and shouldn't be rushed. Yeah, at some point there's a time to move on, but this was recent so please please please, take your time. We love you and all that you do! <3 <:>
Brissygirl
Fanta I'm so so incredibly sorry! π It's never easy to lose a loved one whether human or animal. Take your time we will be here when you're ready. *mega hugs* πππ
Stasi Roo Who
Oh Fanta, sweetie, I am so, so sorry. Tyler, the kitties, and I are sending all our love your way. Snuggling stuffed animals is what helps me feel better so if you need more squishies just let me know. You are such a darling and I know Luna was so happy to be able to spend her time with you, even if it wasn't as much time as either of you had hoped. You take all the time you need and find comfort where you can. We all adore you and will be here for you always.
I was starting to wonder if something had happened... Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. It must've been so hard to go through what you did and you were so brave for so long. I'm sure Luna appreciated all the love, time and effort that you put into looking after her throughout the years, especially so the last few days when it must've been so hard for her to have her body change so rapidly. As much as it must've been so hard for you both, I'm glad that she's no longer in pain. I also know it's probably no consolation, but if you do need to talk it out or vent or anything of the sort, you know where I am. I hope Mickey doesn't feel too lonely and that you both can help each other through this. //hugs you super tight
Prophe100
Iβm so so sorry Fanta *hugs you tight*. Please take care of yourself and take all the time you need. We love you π
Jarod Cerf
It never gets any easier. Theyβre like children we care for that canβt do much for themselves. But for us, theyβre always there. Like Yura said, take all the time you need. And when youβre ready to talk or be quiet or laugh, weβll be here.
grey roses
Oh, that's so hard. π’ Please find all the comfort possible with your other bunny, the boys & anything else you can wrap around yourself for security. π
Omg. I'm so sorry for you. *hug* Please take the time you need, noone will be mad. If you need someone to scream at or just want to talk feel free to text me π
Oh gosh im so sorry ;;; its never easy to lose furry babies like that. Please take all the time you need okay?
RΓ©mi
I'm so sorry to hear, it's not an easy thing... Please take all the time you need to heal π we all love you so much, we'll be here so don't worry about us π
Vajolet
*hugs while wiping away a tear*
My heart goes out to you as well, and agree with everything Yura_Punk said.
Claudia Galleguillos
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Take all the time you need, we will always be here for you β€οΈ
I'm so sorry for your loss babe!! π₯Ίπ I know nothing will ease the pain for now, but we're all here for you, take all the time you need to get better, that's the most important thing... you know we'll wait patiently..always π sending lots of hugs your way π
Spiritev
Iβm sorry all of that happened to you and Luna, but Iβm sure Luna was happy to spend all that time with you despite her being sick. Please take your time and be sure to take extra good care of yourself, weβll be waiting patiently πππ
Courtney Wells
I'm so sorry 2 years ago January 17 2017 I said good by to my big hearted puppy and I know this is a really stupid thing to say but while we wont truly get over our loss it gets a little easier to deal with after a while *hugs*
Yura_Punk
Take the time you need. We'll all be here to support you when you get back. It never gets easier losing a pet but I'm sure Luna is frolicking, free of pain at the rainbow bridge. My heart goes out to you. Take care of yourself.
