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035 The Angry Naked Mage
🕑 Added 2022-06-08 10:46:12 +0000 UTC– Era of the Wastes, Cycle 215, Season of the Setting Sun, Day 32 –
“WHY? WHY ALWAYS NAKED?! WHY?”
Terry tripped while running but caught himself and continued dashing into the direction of the voice.
You’re screwing with me, aren’t you? Are you making voices? Admit it.
Am I going crazy or you? Heh. Redundant. Distinction without a difference.
Hello?
Anyone there?
Another fork – Terry made a guess and ran left without slowing down. There were no mana signatures in sight.
Except for the scary one. Are we sure that we want to run there?
Terry continued running as fast as he could. He was tempted to burst.
Great idea. Empty your mana pool before we even reach the scary thing.
He decided against bursting his mana and continued with his balanced mana consumption.
A chasm appeared at the front. The path continued on the other side.
Uhm… Are you sure that’s—
Terry did a short mana burst and sped up as much as he could. Then he jumped without hesitation.
Hello?! Anyone there?!
Terry landed on the other side and dashed forward.
“FINE! YOU WANT ME TO BE THE ANGRY NAKED MAGE?! I’LL BE THE ANGRY NAKED MAGE!”
Alright, maybe that’s not you making voices. That does not sound like anything you would come up with. Are you sure that you want to go towards the scary signature? It talks, yes. However, even talking things can stab you, especially when they are talking nonsense.
Clenched teeth. Eyes staring forward. Foot by foot. Terry ran.
Fine. Ignore me. I’ll just keep talking to myself. Wait. Forget it. You know what I mean.
Terry stopped short in his tracks. “Ghoul signatures.”
Do you think the scary thing is friends with Alrick? Perhaps Alrick could put in a good word for us?
Terry hesitated and took a deep breath.
What now?
Terry clenched his fists and dashed forward.
Sounds like a plan. Oh wait. NO, IT DOESN’T!
“EWWW! THERE’S PUS!”
One of the Alricks just vanished. Not on friendly terms then. Stay cool and you can deny that you know Alrick. Maybe the scary thing won’t know that you’re acquainted.
Left. Left. Right. Up. Jump. Terry stopped thinking—
Sort of.
—and charged forward in a daze.
I don’t mean to alarm you, but did you notice the rate at which the Alricks are disappearing? That’s quicker than anything you have ever come up with. I don’t think the scary thing had time to redecorate the interior, either. So… Remember the stabbing possibility? Are you sure you—
Oh, the scary thing is running now, too! Think you scared it away? HAHA. As if.
“Crap.” Terry reached a dead end. He turned around and sprinted towards the last fork.
You do realize that you did not update any markers in the five-point ring, right? Just saying. Your memory was a bit iffy the past few days. Or weeks. Or whatever time we spent in the arsehole—
Pfffft. The suppressed laugh inside Terry’s head sounded like Siling.
Siling would have laughed with me. You’re no fun. Sorry, not sorry. No voices from now on. Pinky promise. You still don’t know how much time we spent in the arsehole dungeon, though.
Another fork.
Alrick in the left tunnel.
Terry turned left and continued running.
I feel like you misunderstood my intention when pointing that out. Alricks usually try to take a bite of you. Bad creatures. Poison. Plague. Undead. Remember?
Terry saw the ghoul. He continued running. He flexed his arms so that his elbows were bent at a right angle and lifted his arms up. Terry jumped and transfixed his bracers. His forward momentum carried his body into the air, and Terry kicked out with both legs.
Pow. Right in the pussy kisser… Okay, that’s a really unfortunate heteronym right there. How have I never noticed that before? More importantly, how do I un-notice it again?!
Terry deactivated the imprints and curb stomped the ghoul’s head in passing – just to be sure. Back to running. At the end of the way, there was a slope that was leading up.
Two Alricks next fork on the right.
Terry turned left again.
Fine. They’re on the left. Can’t hide anything from you. I was sure you would fall for that. Spoilsport.
Without stopping his run, Terry summoned his short spear that had a coldfire-aspected tip. He jumped, tugged in his legs and bent his knees so that his shins were parallel to his movement direction. He activated the imprints in his boots at head-level.
The forward momentum had Terry’s body move forward and straighten itself. He rapidly struck out twice – once per ghoul head – and deactivated the imprints in his boots before his own momentum would become problematic.
The two ghouls fell down. Terry finished a forward roll and continued running. He returned the short spear back to his storage bracelet.
Fresh Alrick ahead. The tunnel is quite narrow, though.
Terry channeled mana into both his storage bracelets and retrieved one short spear each – coldfire-aspected tip and barrier spear.
You returned the coldfire spear like what? Ten seconds ago? Don’t you feel stupid for doing that?
Terry activated the barrier spear in his left hand and continued running. He pierced the ghoul and then tackled it with the activated barrier.
“Hisss!”
Terry burst some of his mana and continued running. Simultaneously, he angled the barrier shield to have a free line of attack for his right arm and struck out with the coldfire-aspected spear. Again. Again. Again.
I could do an impression of Ma Isille and commend you for opening with your left, but I know you don’t like that.
The ghoul ignited and vanished shortly after. Terry put his spears away while running.
Double-fork after the next corner. Fresh Alricks on both sides. They are waiting at the fork. You could avoid them by— And you’re already running down the passage. Of course you would do that.
Terry retrieved his coldfire-aspected short spear for his right and a coldfire-aspected dagger for his left. He changed his hold to have the dagger in reverse grip.
Why don’t you just keep the spear out? Do you really believe it is going to make a difference in your running speed? Or are you scared of freeze-burning yourself again? Coward.
Terry turned left at the fork and struck out the spear towards the head of the ghoul charging at him from the right. Simultaneously, he ducked below the claw of the attacking ghoul on the left and moved behind it. Terry straightened his back again, swung his left arm, and, in one fluid motion, hammered the aspected dagger into the back of the ghoul’s head.
Terry exhaled a sharp breath and dashed into the left tunnel. He returned his weapons back to their respective storage bracelets. More running.
I think you are supposed to climb up there.
A large cliff became visible in the distance.
Up up up.
Terry retrieved an imprinted octavum ball and threw it above the cliff. Without slowing down, he jumped and activated his Gravitational Attraction glove on the transfixed ball. Terry pulled himself towards it.
Three Alricks are up there. I thought about keeping it from you because you meanie keep ignoring me, but I figure I’ll be the bigger person here.
He caught the transfixed ball in his left hand, deactivated the imprint, and returned the ball to his storage bracelet. He could see the three ghouls charging at him while he fell towards the plateau.
Terry used his arms to gather momentum and rotate himself in the air until he fell head first. He tugged in his legs and activated the imprints in his boots. The three ghouls were charging at him from three different sides, but Terry could stay out of their reach by flexing his legs and crouching upside down. He finished them off with the coldfire spear.
Afterwards, Terry gathered forward momentum and deactivated the transfixed boots. He landed with a safety tap, pushed himself off with his hands, and dashed up the sloped passage.
Up up up.
Eventually, Terry stopped encountering new ghouls.
Probably all eaten by the scary thing.
Wait, was that the sound of water splashing? Is that…
“Sunlight!”
DON’T STOP NOW OF ALL TIMES, YOU IDIOT! RUN! THE RESERVOIR ROOM IS OPEN! RUN!
Closer.
Closer.
Terry could see the exit. He could not help but burst his mana and he ran…
Terry was out. When he felt the sunlight on his face and smelled the fresh air, Terry’s legs gave out under him. He slid on his knees and his shins until he came to a stop.
I always knew you could do it. Didn’t I always tell you that you could do it?
“Piss off,” growled Terry.
Now you sound like Miguel. Double standard. Hypocrite!
Terry grabbed the earth – the grass – underneath his hands. He leaned back and looked towards the sky.
Blink.
Blink. Blink.
“Wait, WHAT?!”
The sky was not supposed to look like that. It was different from how Terry knew it.
Shhh. Be quiet. I’ll take whatever sky I can get.
“No. That’s… Where is the barrier?!” Terry stood up and looked around.
Involuntarily, his eyes stopped at the man bathing in the lake nearby.
That’s not how I imagined the scary thing to look.
Hello? Anyone there?
Crap, it’s coming out.
The naked man with the abnormal mana signature stood at the side of the lake – with hands placed at his hips and looking around from one side to the—
Crap, it saw us. Run! Run! Why aren’t you running yet? I know you can run. Run!
“You’re not the dungeon fairy, are you? I don’t remember stepping on you,” said the scary thing.
It speaks nonsense. Watch for knives!
“Where exactly would those be hidden?” Terry blurted out.
“What?” asked the scary thing.
Maybe the scary thing should watch for knives, too.
Terry closed his eyes and shook his head. Time to readjust to normal society.
In NO WAY is that guy normal society! Alright alright, I’ll be quiet now.
“S-sorry, my name is Terry.”
“I’m Devon. Or Dev. Elvis and Poppy call me Dev. The looney cultists named me something else, but the Captain said I’m not supposed to use that name because it tends to terrify people.”
Uhm… Sorry to interrupt again, but did you hear that right now?
Devon smiled innocently – seemingly unaware of the outrageous statement he weaved into his introduction… or the fact that he was still naked with his hands on his hips, for that matter.
“Uhm… What?” Terry’s brain hurt.
“What what?”
“Nevermind.” Terry swallowed. “Where am I?”
“Hmmm…” Devon tilted his head. “Between a dungeon and a lake?”
Terry’s headache intensified.
“I was wondering why there was a folk signature in the dungeon,” said Devon. “Normally, when I wake up naked in a dungeon, I’m the only folk around.”
So many questions…
“I don’t know how I got into that dungeon. I went to sleep in camp with my— Wait, were there any other folk signatures in the dungeon?”
“Nope. Missing someone?”
“My companions.”
“That’s sad. At least when the dungeon fairy gets to me, I can always sense my companions. Anyway, if your dungeon fairy is like mine, then it only targets a single individual. Your companions should be where you left them.”
A weight lifted off of Terry’s shoulders.
Seriously? You’re putting your faith into the word of a naked stranger talking about dungeon fairies?
“Although your dungeon fairy may be different. Did you wake up completely naked and with no equipment?”
“No, I still had all my equipment with me.”
“Hmm.” Devon looked around again. He looked down at himself and back at Terry. “Lizzy told me to avoid running around naked. Do you, by chance, have some clothes I could borrow? The Captain keeps my spares.”
“Y-yes. Sure.” Terry summoned some sparring robes from his dimensional bag. Devon was half a head taller than Terry, and he looked like his muscles had mostly been nurtured passively with mana. Fortunately, the cut of the robes made allowances for such differences.
Should you ask about his abnormal mana? I’m scared to ask about the abnormal mana.
“I hope these fit. I have some spare boots as well.” Terry still kept the old boots without the Immovable Object mechanism in his dimensional bag.
“Thank you. I don’t need the boots.” Devon quickly dressed himself.
Terry’s thoughts finally caught up with the situation and he frantically summoned two items from his dimensional bag – his Guardian card and his signaling cube.
He sunk his consciousness into the Guardian card and… Nothing. No active connection. All links seemed off.
Terry gritted his teeth and sensed the signaling cube… Nothing. Terry sighed and took a deep breath. He looked at the sky.
“Where are we right now?” asked Terry.
Devon looked at him in puzzlement. His eyes moved from the dungeon to the lake and back.
“I know, but where is this place?”
Still puzzlement.
“Or a different way, where is Arcana?”
“What?”
“Where is the Arcana Empire?”
“Never heard of it.”
Terry’s brain ground to a halt. He took a few seconds to recover from that response. “The biggest remaining empire?”
“Is that like a big city? I’m afraid there are none of those nearby.” Devon squinted and looked around. “The closest would be in that direction, but it’s not particularly big and not particularly nearby.”
“Uhm…” Terry stared with mouth agape. “What about the barrier? The Arcana Empire is surrounded by a barrier.”
“I’ve heard of barriers before. Lizzy can cast barriers.”
Terry was at a loss for words.
“Hey, I recognize this!” exclaimed Devon. “That’s a Guardian card. I have one, too. Not with me, though. After I had lost the third one, the Captain kept the next one for me.”
“You’re a Guardian?”
“The Captain and Lizzy are, too. Deathguard.”
Terry blinked. “Deathguard?”
“Yup.”
“That’s… Where the Wastes are we?”
“Is that a trick question?” Devon tilted his head. “I’m not good at those. You just said it yourself. We’re in the Wastes.”
Ha. Hahahaa. Wanna go back into the dungeon?
“Or in the Wasteborder at least. The Captain always grumbles that the Wasted Zone is growing way too wide to still be called a ‘border.’ You should probably talk to the Captain. I’m not good with location names. I rarely need them and I make up names for the ones I need.”
Devon started to point. “Squirrely Forest – seriously, they are everywhere. Stinkylands – don’t go there. Scary Lake – definitely don’t go in there.”
Terry blinked. Devon was pointing at precisely the lake he had bathed in a few minutes prior.
“‘Scary’ Lake?”
“Yup. Something is sleeping down there.” Devon held up his hand and lowered it to around Terry’s height. “Terry, was it?”
“Yes.”
“The thing is sleeping around eleven hundred Terrys deep. I don’t know how quickly it can come up, but I wouldn’t recommend testing it.”
So many questions…
“Although it should be fine to wash yourself in the shallow area. I’ll warn you if the scary thing moves.”
Look who’s talking! Come to think of it, you should consider the offer. I wouldn’t trust your own nose after living so close to Alrick all this time. Reintegration into society probably works better if you don’t reek of ghoul and desperation.
“Th-thanks. I’ll do that.”
You should probably wash your equipment, too. Icky. Maybe skip the boulder. That would look weird.
Devon patiently waited for Terry to finish while looking around and seemingly observing something. However, Terry could not make out what that something could possibly be.
Greebles? Maybe the scary man is a descendant of cats? Perhaps a major mana corruption? Don’t say that out loud. The scary man may get mad.
Terry took deep breaths. He was still acting in a daze. This still seemed like a dream. The fresh water helped calm him down and feel some sense of normalcy. It felt like ages ago that he could use water which he did not have to recycle from the air using a water-aspected water catcher.
Don’t drink the water. I know you want to. Don’t. Lake. Body of standing water. No drinking from standing water. Unhealthy. Even without scary things sleeping at the bottom.
Terry slapped his face.
Still here.
“No dream,” mumbled Terry. “I’m out.”
There might be some tears mixed in with the lake water now.
And pus. Don’t forget the pus. No drinking. Icky.
“Thanks for keeping lookout,” said Terry and walked towards Devon.
“Sure. I always do that.”
“Uhm, could you tell me how I can get to the nearest Guardian outpost?”
“Sure, by walking.” Devon pointed. “That direction. It would take a while, though. Over thirty thousand Terrys. My estimations get a bit off at that distance. Everything sticks so close together.”
So many questions…
“Also, I would not recommend the direct route. That would lead you through the angry kitty park – the shadow panthers are really grouchy – and right by one of the recent demon fortresses. I believe it was bears possessed by earth elementals. Or was it the one with the mana corrupted possessed by ice elementals? The villager possessed by a magma elemental?” Devon puffed up his cheeks. “Don’t remember. Anyway, the Demonguard did not get around to clear that one yet.”
Just ignore it. Focus. Focus.
“Nearest dimensional gate?”
“Nearest what?”
Okay, I’m out. This won’t work.
Terry blinked in silence. Devon looked at him expectantly. The seconds ticked by with no one saying anything.
Awkward~ The scary man doesn’t seem to mind, but I’m getting uncomfortable. Say something.
“I need to get to a Guardian outpost.”
“You should probably ask the Captain. The Captain told me not to give other people directions.”
Didn’t he just do that?!
“We are currently investigating some disappearances and while we’re in the area, I am supposed to check out a potential bandit hideout.” Devon gazed in a different direction. “That way. The dungeon fairy actually did me a favor this time. I’m closer than I was before. I won’t have to run all the time.”
Ignore it. Focus.
“Anyway, once I’m done with that, I am supposed to join up with the Captain and Lizzy again. You can tag along. I like to have someone to talk to.”
“Y— Wait, Captain sounds like the army. I’m, well, not from around here. Will that be a problem?”
“No. Don’t worry. The Captain is best people.” Devon walked ahead. “Let’s go.”
Terry followed.
“Although Lizzy may stab you,” added Devon. “She does that sometimes. I’ll protect you. Don’t worry.”
Did you hear that? I probably imagined that, right? There’s no way he really said that.
***
