maria ilmutus
patreon
big 2025 update: the next major video + my living situation.
🕑 Added 2025-03-30 23:46:51 +0000 UTChi folks, i know i've been pretty quiet recently but it's for good reason. TL;DR: i'm looking to move out of my hometown ASAP, and i'm gonna need your patience/support now more than ever.
as for the next video, well i've had it planned for a while now: i'm gonna be making an extensive retrospective on "ultraman", the 1966 TV series by tsuburaya productions. this is an idea i've had for a long time and i'm about ready to start making it. i'm very excited to write this video given that i have a lot of passionate thoughts and observations to share with all of you. i believe it will hold a truly unique perspective on tokusatsu as a medium (one seldom covered, even in my niche circles). it has the potential to be my best video to date. having said that, it's been almost impossible to work as of late.
you see, on top of the absurd amount of work that goes into these videos... i also have to wrestle with some pretty awful living conditions. those of you that know me personally will already be familiar with what i'm talking about but, basically, i've not had natural gas in my home since 2023. given the way things work here, this has been devastating. since then, i've had to make do with whatever alternative solutions i can get my hands on. this problem stems from the way my house is built... it cannot be fixed in any way, shape or form. i also struggle with water infrastructure and other basic needs. this is on top of my family's longstanding economic troubles... and many other things i won't get into here.
as you can probably imagine, i'm done living like this. it cannot continue. so, for the last week-or-so, i've been getting in touch with people who will help me find a new place to live in... one city over. i have no idea if any of this will go well for me, but i have to try. there is no way i can continue existing online and creating things under these conditions. i live in the southern hemisphere, which means that winter is fast approaching. having to endure another harsh winter with only a tiny space heater cooped up in my room is not something i can do again (i made all my previous videos living like this, it was awful). i live in a fairly remote location with dwindling resources, so getting out of here is necessary for my continued survival and well-being.
these videos, these creations, take a lot out of me each time i complete one. so there's a natural limit to how much energy i can sink into a project when i'm also barely surviving. "why not just get a job?" i hear you ask. i've tried... boy, have i tried. turns out it's almost impossible for a high school dropout (struggling with mental illness) to get a job in a place like this. even online work can be very hard to come by. i've come across small gigs here and there, but nothing long term. also... do you know how hard it is to work or get up early in the morning when your house is freezing? when you're taking cold showers every day? when you struggle so hard with basic human necessities? yeah. it's a vicious cycle!
there might be more job opportunities once i move, but we'll see.
now, i promise to work hard on the new video. i will also keep looking for other types of work i might be able to do. but i'm also a human being who has been surviving by the skin of her teeth for years now. i'm so tired of everything and there are limits to what i'm realistically able to do. my life has changed a lot recently, in both good and bad ways, so i need time to sort out my thoughts. writing is a very difficult craft that can't really be done mindlessly. it's not automatic work; it's not algorithmic; it's not cheap.
i want, more than anyone else in the world, for the next few projects to be incredible. i want them to be truly fun in that specific way i know i'm capable of. i want them to be passionate and heartfelt and slightly deranged. i want them to be beautiful. the things i make online mean a lot to me, no matter how silly. they are one of the vanishingly few things i have control over, in my life.
i just wanted to get everyone on the same page, because i value all of you and sincerely hope you can empathize with the bad hand that i've been dealt. i'll be getting in contact with some kind folks who are gonna help me. not sure when exactly we'll start looking for places but it will be soon (hopefully). once things start speeding up, i might do some kind of fundraiser or something depending on what the rent situation is. because i will certainly need the money. for now, i'm gonna continue surviving and hopefully working on these new projects whenever i have the mental energy to do so. there's a chance i'll make a smaller video in the interim! who knows...
thank you for reading. i promise i have a lot to offer. i just need to be able to breathe.
Comments
ilmutus
thank you 😭 i don't take any of you guys for granted.
xnighttripperx
Godspeed, we will wait and support you!!
